It’s been two weeks since my hip replacement surgery. While these two weeks have been filled many physical gains, those haven’t been my biggest successes. My greatest success in this has actually come in the form of something I never expected. I am no longer ashamed of my body.
The weeks leading up to my surgery I was a wreck. I was embarrassed to tell people I was a healthy, highly active 38 year old woman who needed a hip replacement due to avascular necrosis. I was ashamed of my body. Felt like I wasn’t a worthy person.
It’s no lie I’ve been dealing with this shame for awhile.
If you’ve been a long time reader, you know the last two years have been hard. I’ve struggled a lot with my body. From losing 80 pounds to enduring multiple sports injuries to battling hormone imbalances and now a new hip. I’ve shared every struggle along the way.
After surgery, I thought people would take pity on me or view me as weak for having a hip replacement.
If there’s anything I can’t handle, it’s people treating me as if I’m incapable of doing everyday things. People also leave you when you’re sick. At least, that’s what happened to me during the two years I was sick so I assumed people would do the same to me after surgery.
My first day back at the gym I was greeted by my peeps. I hadn’t told anyone I was having surgery so of course, there were a lot of questions. At first, I was reluctant telling people but I couldn’t hide it gimping around on a crutch. So I just said it. “I had a hip replacement 10 days ago.”
Saying those words out loud, my entire world changed.
Suddenly, I realized how PROUD I felt. Proud that I trained my body hard before the surgery like I would train for a race – focusing on building strength and a tightening my nutrition. Sure, it wasn’t my best I’ve lost muscle tone as a result of the surgery, but I would not be back in the gym 10 days post surgery riding a spin bike and lifting weights had I not done those things.
So many times throughout my life, I’ve wished for a different body.
One that was prettier, skinnier, healthier. One that didn’t have physical challenges or limitations. But here’s the thing. You can always wish for something more or something different, but those feelings keep you stuck where you are today.
The only way to move forward is accepting where you are at this moment, embracing what you CAN DO and being brave enough to praise yourself for small steps along the way. Only then, will you no longer feel ashamed of your body.
Thanks for letting me Think Out Loud
Are you ashamed of your body?
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