"My dear, you're having a total hip replacement." As the nurse on the other end of the phone said those words to me, I felt like someone punched a sword through my heart. "But I'm too young for a hip replacement" I whispered to myself.
I've been living with AVN for 18 years. While staying active and losing weight has taken my prognosis of needing a replacement from 6 months to 18 years and has helped me manage the pain, there are still days when I'm in so much pain I don't even want to get out of bed or live.
My life revolves around my hip
I'm constantly reminded I have a chronic illness when people ask why I limp. I don't need to be reminded why I limp because I'm constantly reminded every day when I can't get in and out of a car, sit down on a toilet like I normal person, or stand on my feet in the kitchen too long because my quad aches from nothing supporting it.
Having faith is hard.
There are days that truthfully, I'd rather be dead than living with this and being faced with joint replacements the rest of my life. I remind myself that no matter how much I want to wish this away I can't. I have to face it, move forward the best way possible and have faith that I will be able to live my life as fully and happily as I want to.
But it's hard.
Hard knowing I will never run, jump, climb and do things so many other people can do. Hard knowing my body is physically capable of more, much more. But that I will forever have limits. Hard watching people who can do the things I want to do, make excuses not to do them.
Too young for a hip replacement
Now as I'm faced with surgery tomorrow, I can't help but think at 38 years old how ashamed and embarrassed I am.
Hip replacements are for old people, not young, healthy, active women like me.
I keep thinking how they're going to saw my leg off during the surgery and remove it from my body. A part of my body I was born with that I will can get back. I will forever and always have something unnatural in my body I wasn't born with that I will always depend on for my independence.
What kind of person am I with a fake hip?
Recognizing I'm too young for a hip replacement makes me feel weak, less attractive, and less beautiful than a woman should made to feel. I can't help but wonder what man will ever want someone like me with a fake hip. A hip that will need to be replaced multiple times throughout her life. I'm not even sure I want to be with me. How could I expect someone else to want me if I can't even be accepting of who I am? I don't know if I'll ever be able to except that this is happening.
Will I be as strong?
Every time I go for a walk I wonder is this going to be my last walk? Every time I teach a spin class, I wonder will I be able to teach again? Every time I teach swim lessons, I wonder will I still be able to swim?Every time I lift a weight, I wonder will I be this strong again?
Mostly I wonder am I really going to feel better after going through all this? How long is this hip going to last me until I need a new one? What if I can't do all the things I can do now? I can't bear the thought of not being able to be active the way I am now.
Finding consolation
These last months these thoughts have more than consumed me. Finally, I reached out to friends to talk about how I was feeling one of whom was Suz.
She suffers from Crohn's disease and said something to me that for the first time ever made my future feel hopeful. She told me about patients who've lost their colons and have pouches. How those people have lost something. Something they will never get back.
While I may be losing something, I'm gaining something. I'm gaining less pain, more mobility and hopefully, gaining a better quality of life.
For you
For whatever struggle you may be going through, I want you to know you're not alone an I want you to think about what you could be gaining from this.
Life doesn't always hand us what we want in a pretty box with a pretty bow. Life is messy, confusing and at times, not what we want.
You have to fight to be healthy. Every. Single. Day. You have to be willing to embrace life's challenges and turn them into something positive.
Life may be filled with disappointment, heart ache, embarrassment, hurt and shame, and I may be too young for a hip replacement but honestly, I wouldn't want to live any other life.
Related: What To Expect Recovering From A Hip Replacement
Disclaimer - the advice in this post is general advice. It's not intended to treat or diagnose. As a health care professional, I cannot give individual medical advice unless you are a patient of mine. This is for legal reasons and to protect your health. I am NOT an orthopedic doctor. DO NOT send me your x-rays or medical information. I CANNOT provide you with specific advice.
Hi there!
I came across your post in doing some googling on young hip replacements. I am 27 and my left THR is scheduled for next month. I can definitely identify with the feelings of frustration and loss. Instead I try to focus on the positive and remember how lucky I am to live in a time when this procedure is available, a country where I have access to it, and with a job that provides health insurance to have it done. If any of these things were different, I know my future would be much scarier, and this is a reality for many.
How are you recovering? Hope you are feeling better each day.
Lisa
Hey Lisa, thanks for writing! I had mine done anterior last week. I'm so happy I looked for a doctor who would do it from the front instead of the back. The recovery is much faster and I feel great. In fact, I'm in so much less pain now than before the surgery. It's like a miracle! The only issue really has been the swelling. I would be walking unassisted if I could get that better under control. Keeping the hip elevated is sort of tricky. Is this your first replacement? I wish you all the best!
Thinking of you girl! I know this is scary, but to live a life with less pain, that is worth it right? I was born breech and my hips were completely out of socket when I was born. I struggle wtih hip issues as well and have to avoid things like running because my hips just can't take it. So sorry you have to go through this 🙁
Thanks friend! Things went very well and I am recovery well this weekend. I can't believe how good I feel today. And thank you for sharing your story. The hardest part of this has been feeling like I'm alone with something only older people go through. It helps knowing I am not alone!
Best of luck!! Sickness doesn't know age unfortunately :/ "There is always some one worse off then me" is what i think when i start to complain.
You are so right and thank you! Things went very well.
Hi Megan
9 months ago, at the age of 32 and after 6 other surgeries on my hips due to hip dysplasia... i had my first hip replacement. Do not be worried!! I can do more now than I have done in a long while!!!!! Less pain, more exercise. Granted, no more running, but had to stop that 10 years ago. No one believes me when I tell them I had a hip replacement...lol.
You will be pleased with the results... and remember, your only limits are the ones you set yourself. Good Luck. Xx
Thank you Alexandra for telling me this! I can't tell you what a relief it is to hear someone my age say everything turned out fine and for the better. That is my hope in doing this. That I will be able to do so much more. And I learned a long time ago, I can do anything I want no matter what doctors say so I'm with you girl!
Prolotherapy at Caring Medical in Chicago or Fort Meyers FL. I was told I needed a new hip and after 8 treatments I am 95 percent pain free. Email Danielle or Dr. Houser worth a shot
My surgery is tomorrow morning so it's too late for that. My hip is already displaced and I've lost 2 cm in length so it's necessary at this point.
Hi Megan! I found your blog through the my first TOL link on Amanda's blog, and I have been very moved by your story. I can't fathom how disheartening being undiagnosed those 18 months must have been. I share a similar story with regard anemia and hormone issues, although to a lesser degree. It's a frustrating experience and I slowly learned that I need to advocate for myself. My doctors don't live in my body.
Wishing you all the best with your hip replacement. I had outpatient surgery for a uterine ablation, which is minor comparatively, but my hope is that you come away from the experience like I did; feeling fabulous and wishing I had done it 10 years earlier.
Thank you so much! It really frightens me how many people like you have told me that which is why I keep telling my story, as hard as that is. I hope you're right about feeling better! All the best to you!
Hi Megan;
I'm facing hip replacement surgery myself in the future I have arthritis, I'm only 55, and I'm very active. I pray for a quick recovery for you with a healthy, active life ahead.
I would love to hear more about the "newest procedure" you're having, so that I can investigate the same type of surgery when it's my turn.
Best of luck to you. Thank you so much for sharing all your thoughts with everyone. There is definitely strength in numbers. We are not alone.
Mine is done anterior, robotically with 99% accuracy. Traditional replacements are done posterior which means a lot of muscle and tissue is cut that all need to repair before you can rehab which is why that recovery is 6 weeks vs. mine is 2 weeks. Mine is also outpatient. I have physical therapy already the day after and by week 2 they have me scheduled to start biking. They said, possibly sooner given my level of conditioning. I've been told people who are really active like me do very well with this type of procedure so it might be something for you to look into!
Megan!!!!! Thinking of you as you face this challenge. I'm so sorry you are going through this pain - physical and mental. Every single word of this post resonated with me and I'm going to read it again and again to try and stop myself from feeling so angry, depressed, helpless and frustrated about my own health condition that has left me unable to walk these last for months... and which was then topped with an osteoporosis and infertility diagnosis at the age of 33. As they say,when it rains, it pours!!! If you can face these demons, then so can I! We don't realise how much HEALTH is WEALTH until the basic things that we take for granted in our every day lives are wrested away from us. And I'm talking simple things... like being able to stand at the kitchen sink to wash dishes rather than have to kneel on a chair, or have a shower standing up!! I already can't wait to read your recovery posts and being inspired by your will to return to being happy and healthy. THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU for helping me snap out of the 'Why me?' and 'What have I done to deserve this?' pity party I've been throwing for myself these past four months!!!
It's very easy to take your health for granted until you no longer have it. I wish more people would realize this. I'm so happy to hear that my story is helping you. Keep your chin up Lauren! You're capable of more than you know.
Thanks Megan!!! And for those days when it is hard to keep my chin up, there is always your paleo raw carrot cake to make and indulge on!!! That recipe is amazeballs!
Words can't do much in a situation like this but: virtual hug. No, I can't imagine how hard this is for you but please keep in mind you'll still be the same wonderful person afterwards. I'm rather secretive about my work life. Yet one thing I can tell you is I see people dealing who have been thrown serious curveballs by life [and that's saying it lightly] and who I admire for their strength and positivity despite all that. People don't love you for your physique but your heart.
Sending you all the best wishes!
I can't thank you enough for that! You're so very right about people loving you for who you are. It's easy to forget that when bad things are happening to you. xoxo
Hi Megan, I just read your Living With Avascular Necrosis post after this and you are one incredibly strong woman! Keep fighting the good fight - you know your body better than any doctor ever will. I pray your surgery goes well tomorrow and your recovery is so fast and furious, it surprises you! xx
Thank you Shashi! I laughed so hard when I read what you wrote about recovering fast surprising me. I hope you're right!
I can't even imagine what's going through your head. I have you on my calendar tomorrow so I don't forget! I think you're awesome - fake hip or real hip or no hip (however that would work). Lots of love!
Thanks for the love girl! xoxo
Hi Megan! I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds so daunting. I'm glad you've found some silver lining trying to remember the positive, but I'm sure I would be feeling the same way you are. Sending lots of prayers your way with the surgery and recovery. Hopefully this is just the beginning of something new and better!
Thank you so very much Julie! I'm hoping it the beginning of a lot less pain.
I can only imagine this struggle!! I know going through my own health issues where no one could tell me what was wrong (pre-mature ovarian failure) I spent a lot of time feeling very alone...but yes talking and sharing helped so much. Just think, now you'll be ahead of the rest of us when we have to do things like this 🙂
No one could tell me why all my hormones shut down two years ago so I know exactly where you're coming from. I think I've had my fair share of health problems for a lifetime!
My friend was born with hip dysplacia back before they treated babies with it, so she had bad hips right away. She had one hip replaced when she was 36. At the time of the surgery she had a 2yr old and a 4month old. Rough. But she made it thru and she's glad she did it. The pain is gone and she can live her life. She had another baby 2yrs later. She goes to boot camps and walks. She does have some limited mobility but she adjusts. You really will be OK. She limps too but I don'teven think about it. I hope your surgery goes smoothly and takes away the daily pain. It's going to be okay.
All you know are the old people you see having them and that's not always very promising because they're not that active and as a result, have a lot of issues so it helps hearing about others who are my age having been through this. I'm having the newest procedure too and the recovery is supposed to be half that of traditional replacements and my doctor thinks I'll bounce back quickly. Thank you for sharing and putting my mind to ease!
I know this post is super old, but thank you for sharing this story!! I am 38, having a replacement in 3 months and am really hoping to have one more baby! This is just what I needed to hear!
Good to hear! Good luck with the surgery.
xoxoxo.
Lady, remember, you are going to be Bionic! The 6 million dollar woman!
I think, if anything, having a chronic condition and having a husband who is a doctor has taught me that we are never to young or too old, for anything. He just had a 25 year old patient die of mesothelioma. Normally, that is for those in the 60s+ who were around asbestos. Life happens when it happens, so get that hip and ROCK IT BIATCH
I know and with the increased pain I've been in these last few weeks I really want it over with.
One is never too young or too old to be saddled with disease. It's how we approach the situation and deal with it that makes us a stronger person.
You will get back in shape and be pain free.
You will be able to go for walks and swim and enjoy stuffs that you were not able to do before, Megan .
Wish you all the best!
So very true! I keep telling myself I'm going through this so I can do all the things I enjoy now even better and without having to modify or have pain. Thank you for your positive comment Ibi!
Hi Megan- I am facing this surgery in August. I've been living with OA due to a very physically active life (running, spin, weightlifting) and evidently bad anatomy. It's been progressing rather quickly lately, but I've had symptoms (no matter how I try to ignore them) for several years. The top portion of your entry, I swear I could have written it myself. It is exactly the thought process I'm having currently. So my question is, how are you doing? How is the new and improved bionic Megan?
Hey Mindy, I'm doing AWESOME! Wish I would have done it sooner. I don't feel like I even have a hip replacement. Here's a follow-up post where I talk about it. https://skinnyfitalicious.com/recovering-from-a-hip-replacement/
Best of luck to you and let me know if you have other questions.