• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to header navigation
  • Skip to footer top navigation
  • Skip to footer bottom navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
Skinny & Fit is Always Delicious
Display Search Bar
Follow me on Facebook! Follow me on Twitter! Follow me on Pinterest! Follow me on Instagram! Follow me on YouTube! Contact Cart
  • Client Login

Skinny Fitalicious®

Because skinny & fit always tastes delicious

  • Weight Loss Coaching
  • Weight Loss Coaching
    • Coaching / Free Consult
    • Client Testimonials
  • Free Class
  • Podcast
  • Blog
  • Recipes
    • Recipe Index
    • Best Calorie Calculator
    • Megan Recommends
    • Meal Plans
  • Podcast
  • Cookbook
  • About
    • About Megan
    • Policies
    • Contact

BONUS!

3 Smart Strategies To Stop Cravings So You Can Lose Weight!

Home » Blog » Health » Stop The Mean Girl Cycle – 3 Ways To Build Other Women Up

Stop The Mean Girl Cycle - 3 Ways To Build Other Women Up

Published: Jan 29, 2015 · Modified: Oct 9, 2018 by Megan

Women who tear other women down. Why do they do it?

This is the question that's been on my mind lately. When I was in high school, I couldn't wait for the day when the petty bickering, one upping and ganging up on each other would stop. I always expected women would grow up and out of this ritual. Apparently not. It drove me crazy then and it drives me crazy now. Unfortunately no matter what age you are, there are still mean girls.

mean_girls

Women have long fought for equality which has forced us to turn on each other to feel like we're getting a step ahead of the next person. But how far ahead are we really getting in life by ditching friends, putting each other down and making ourselves look like jerks in front of others?

Undoubtedly women are under extreme pressure to prove themselves. Prove their worth in the workplace, that they're deserving of a salary or promotion, show they're just as good, if not better, than their male counterparts, be the perfect mothers & wives all while maintaining their health, fitness and good looks. That's a lot of pressure. This is in no way a feminist call to action, but simply to highlight where meanness stems from. If we understand where it comes from, then maybe we can understand how to stop it.

women_quotes

How do women prove themselves? By tearing other women down. If you make someone else feel bad, then you'll feel better, right? The problem with that is it spawns an unhealthy behavior cycle. It's like a heroin addiction. You have to do it more and more to get the same "high" otherwise you'll never feel "good enough." You become stressed chasing the need over and over again and later depressed from the hurt you cause (unless you're heartless). Nothing about this behavior is positive or good for the mind, body or soul. 

women_insecuritiesMany women are insecure and lack confidence. Whether it's their mind, body, job, family, money or just where they are in life; women feel insecure in one way or another. Those insecurities lead to the comparison trap which all of us are guilty of. Women are constantly comparing themselves to other women. "Why can't I have her legs?" "She's skinnier than me." "I want her fashion sense." "I wish I was as fit as her." "If only I was as successful as she was." "She has the perfect life. She has it all" The insecurities directly translate into you being a target for bullying because you're seen as a threat. Nothing you do or say can change the insecurities of another woman.

The oxymoron in this is that women would be much stronger bonding together and building each other up, unifying like men do. When was the last time you saw men getting snippy at each other? Men aren't mean to each other, don't pick on one another, don't create drama. Unlike women, men build each other up and support one another. They have each other's back. Go to any gym and you'll see this in action.

mean_girls_men

Us women need to break the cycle. We must stop seeing each other as rivals. The world is big enough for us to be our individual selves and live in it peacefully. We need to bond in sisterhood circles not cliques, but safe places where women are free to be real. Most importantly we must make conscious choices to replace mean words with nice, kind, compassionate, and empathetic ones. Too often this is viewed as being weak. It's not. It shows we're strong and confident. To do these things means in our choices and practices we need to stop tearing each other down and start building each other up and we can do that in 3 ways.

3_ways_support_women

Respect

Respect each others beliefs, backgrounds, boundaries and differences. Everyone comes from a different place in life. Grew up with different morals and beliefs. Respect those differences and recognize everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. The key is figuring out how to leverage those differences so it's a win-win for both parties. One person's strengths may be your weakness. It's a lost opportunity for your personal growth when you when you don't leverage those differences.

Uplift

Be the positive force that uplifts women as opposed to tearing them down. Instead of trying to find the negative in the person, find the good. We all have a tendency to jump to the bad. Not everyone has bad intentions or is out to get you. Understand where the other person is coming from before jumping to conclusions. Gossiping and spreading rumors about someone gives a false sense of control and it's only temporary. Ask yourself what am I gaining by tearing down this person and how would I feel if someone where doing this to me?

Be careful about how quickly you pass judgment on one another. Take a step back and ask yourself is this person going through personal challenges. Maybe they're not themselves for some reason. Maybe they need your positive energy to get out of their funk and sadness. Think about how good you'd feel if you were that positive force that did that for them.

Encourage

Stop looking for flaws and defects in the successes and accomplishments of other women. There seems to always be someone who can add a "but" when she hears another woman is doing well. It's a subtle put down that women do all the time. Or they chose to ignore the other woman's achievement. Silence is another form of put down. Give praise when it's due and make it an intentional gesture. It won't take anything away from you, it won't make you less-than, in fact it will set you more. It will set you on a higher path to creating positive relationships with other women.

quote_be_the_change

I encourage you... stop the cycle of tearing each other down instead support one another in a healthy and positive way. One small change or act of kindness can make all the difference. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be the uplifting role model for future generations.

About Megan

Megan is a certified nutrition practitioner, author, freelance food photographer and fitness instructor living in Phoenix, Arizona. On her blog, Skinny Fitalicious she shares EASY, gluten free recipes for weight loss. Follow Megan on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram for the latest updates.

More Health

  • Is Beautycounter Worth It?
  • Healthy Low Calorie Holiday Recipes are lighter and gluten free breakfasts, appetizers, sides, cookies and desserts to make this holiday!
    Healthy Low Calorie Holiday Recipes
  • Healthy Low Calorie Thanksgiving Menu Recipes are lighter and gluten free breakfasts, appetizers, sides and desserts to compliment turkey!
    Healthy Low Calorie Thanksgiving Recipes
  • 12 Must Make Fall Recipes from the Low Calorie Cookbook
< Previous Post
Next Post >
2005 shares
  • Share415
  • Tweet

Reader Interactions

Leave a Comment

    Leave a Comment Cancel reply

    Recipe Rating




  1. Heather H says

    July 21, 2015 at 9:37 am

    Loved this!! This should be a must read for all women.

    Reply
    • Megan says

      July 21, 2015 at 6:39 pm

      I wish I could share with every woman because I think we all need to hear it and be reminded of it. So glad you loved it!

      Reply
  2. Emily says

    May 07, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    I love this post. I just now read it from your most recent post on the Thursday linkup, and I agree that it's so easy for women to take their insecurities out on other women. However, that's never helpful, and it's always far more helpful to put on thinking about what you love about the other person, instead of focusing on nitpicking or comparison.

    Reply
  3. Christen says

    February 11, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    I enjoyed your post and will be featuring it this week on Family Fun Friday!

    Reply
    • Megan says

      February 12, 2015 at 4:24 am

      Thank you! Glad you liked the post.

      Reply
  4. Melanie says

    February 07, 2015 at 5:10 am

    This is an awesome post! Thanks for sharing. I'm surrounded by supportive runner girls now, but that hasn't always been the case. Another part of this is also knowing when to walk away from non-supportive people. It takes courage to say enough!

    Reply
  5. Deborah @ Confessions of a Mother Runner says

    February 02, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    This was basically the reason I started my MRTT running group and why I think it's been so successful. We've found a group of ladies who constantly support and lift up each other no matter what their fitness level is.

    Reply
    • Megan says

      February 02, 2015 at 6:54 pm

      That's awesome! I wish all bad experiences fueled positive outcomes.

      Reply
« Older Comments

Primary Sidebar

Meet Megan

Megan is a nutrition practitioner, author of the Low Calorie Cookbook and podcast host of the Dish On Ditching Diets. Megan helps women over 35 lose weight after losing 80 pounds herself. Here you get low calorie recipes for weight loss that balance hormones. Learn more about my weight loss programs HERE!

  • Nutrition Coaching
  • Skinny Fitalicious Meal Plans
  • Shop and Resources
  • Weight Loss Tips

Latest Video

https://youtu.be/L1t4wDjG5do

Some links on this site are affiliate links for which I am compensated a small commission if the link is clicked and a purchase is made. There is no cost to you. For a full disclosure policy, visit my Policies.

My Cookbook

low calorie cookbook

Follow me on Facebook! Follow me on Twitter! Follow me on Pinterest! Follow me on Instagram! Follow me on YouTube!
  • Weight Loss Coaching
  • Free Weight Loss Class
  • Podcast
  • Recipe Index
  • Contact
  • Disclaimer
© 2023 Skinny Fitalicious® Design by Melissa Rose Design Development by Once Coupled