Self-Sabotage in Disguise - The Hidden Blocker to Weight Loss

This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon associate I earn qualifying purchases. Click here for more about this policy.

One of the sneakiest obstacles women face on a weight loss journey: self-sabotage in disguise.

You might think self-sabotage only looks like binging on the weekends or skipping workouts — but often, it’s much more subtle. In fact, it might be happening in your thoughts long before it shows up in your behavior.

In this Dish On Ditching Diets podcast episode, I uncover the quiet, behind-the-scenes mindset blocks that hold so many women back from reaching their forever weight loss goals.

We’re talking about the mental loops of “I know what to do, but I’m not doing it,” the fear of failing again, and the hidden belief that “maybe it just won’t work for me.” This kind of self-sabotage shows up not in action, but in inaction — and it can keep you stuck even when you think you’re doing everything right.

I also walk through two common ways this sneaky form of sabotage shows up, especially for midlife women trying to lose weight sustainably. If you’ve ever felt frustrated that you’re not seeing results despite your effort — or if you’ve struggled with believing in your ability to succeed — this episode will resonate deeply.

words that say self-sabotage in disguise.

In this Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast Episode, You Will Hear:

Self-sabotage isn’t always obvious
Cognitive dissonance keeps you stuck
Fear drives hidden self-sabotage
Belief is everything
Fixed vs. growth mindset matters
Fat loss is simple—but not easy
Free Self Sabotage Workbook

Never Miss An Episode! Subscribe to the Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast on Apple, Stitcher, Spotify or Amazon Music

Self Sabotage in Disguise on a Weight Loss Journey Podcast Transcript

Hello friends! Today we’re discussing self-sabotage in disguise. Self-sabotage in weight loss is very sneaky. There are many layers to it and with the kind of self-sabotage I’m talking about today is the kind we don’t generally recognize we’re doing.

Often, we think of self-sabotage as doing an action that goes against our weight loss – like I’m overeating at night or I’m always overeating on the weekends.

The form of self-sabotage we’re talking about today is where you’re not taking action. There is inactive. This form of self-sabotage is sneakier and usually we don’t realize we are even doing it. I want to talk through with you what I have seen with other clients that causes this.

But before that I want to take a minute to say if you have been enjoying the podcast and getting benefit from it, please take a minute to leave a 5-star review on whatever podcast platform you are listening to this on. Your reviews really help other women find the podcast who are struggling so if you would please do that, I would greatly appreciate it!

Now let’s talk about self-sabotage in disguise on a weight loss journey and let’s discuss two different types of self-sabotage in disguise because these are the two most common self-sabotage in disguise situations, I see coaching midlife weight loss clients.

First way that someone self-sabotages in disguise. They think they should be losing weight when they are not in a calorie deficit. Let’s say their maintenance calories are 1800 and their calorie deficit target is 1500 calories, and they’re eating 1800 calories on average for the last 90 days.

I’ve seen this so many times in my career. Some will even go to their doctor and say they’re confused why they’re not losing weight. I’ve had a few doctors call me in my career and have had to explain well, actually this individual is not eating in their calorie deficit.

This is what’s called cognitive dissonance. You know you’re not eating 1500 calories, but you rationalize well I’m tracking my food, I’m eating more health promoting foods, I’m eating more protein and fiber, I’m moving more so I should be losing weight for the effort I’m putting in.

They logically know they need to be eating 1500 calories to lose weight, but they hold these conflicting beliefs that they’re doing more so therefore, they should be losing weight. It’s a fascinating mental phenomenon and something I see quite frequently. So, let’s discuss how this might be self-sabotage in disguise.

As a coach, when a client says to me, I don’t understand why I’m not losing weight my question is what makes you THINK you should be seeing weight loss? What makes you think that even though you haven’t dialed in these things you should see results?

What makes you think you should be losing weight when you’re not eating in a calorie deficit? My job as someone’s coach is to dig into that thinking to see where that’s coming from.

Sometimes what will come up for people is like well, I’m doing things so much better than before, or I’m tracking my food, or I’m eating more healthy foods which none of that matters for weight loss.

The tracking food one is one I commonly see. A lot of women really think when they are tracking food that means they are in a calorie deficit. They can be eating 3000 calories a day and they believe they should be losing weight just because they are tracking their food intake. It’s cognitive dissonance.

Sometimes people will say I’m scared of lowering my calories because I’ve done so many restrictive diets where I was starving and I’m really scared of being hungry again. I’m scared of giving up all my favorite foods and not being able to enjoy food.

Sometimes people will be like well, I don’t really want to put in the time and effort because I’ve never lost weight before so it’s probably not going to work for me anyways and so why should I bother and put in all that extra time and effort.

Or I have lost weight before, but never kept it off so why should I bother? I’m probably going to fail anyway even if I try my best.

So they say I’m scared of failing, or I’m scared how long it’s going to take or I’m scared that even if I do lose weight how am I going to keep up with all of these habits and maintain any weight I lose with my busy crazy life?

Sometimes people fear how long it’s going to take them to lose weight. What if this takes me a year? I don’t know if I could last a year!

These are all examples of self-sabotage in disguise because your thoughts about losing weight are stinky thoughts, they’re super scary and self-deprecating.

They’re all based in fear and fear prevents you from taking action. They also may be because you don’t believe in yourself, and you have a fixed mindset.

I’ve been doing this for so long I’m sure some of the things I mentioned are what you are thinking in the back of your mind. You may not realize these thoughts are sabotaging you.

But these thoughts are preventing you from doing the behaviors that get you weight loss results, and the cognitive dissonance creates internal conflict. To resolve that internal conflict, an individual might change their behavior, alter their beliefs, or ignore the facts.

An example might be someone rationalizing. So, you’re not eating 1500 calories as your calorie deficit, but you eat 1800 calories anyways. You might point to yourself being tired, or too stressed or too busy as justifications for doing that for eating 1800 calories. The cognitive dissonance is ultimately rooted in these thoughts you have surrounding weight loss.

It’s also the same thing with steps. Let’s say someone is eating 1500 calories, but they are not increasing their steps. They know they should be increasing steps, but they will say things like I don’t know why I’m not losing weight. The individuals who don’t prioritize the step part of their calorie deficit – a common thing I hear is I’m too busy.

As a coach, when I begin asking questions like what makes you think you should be able to lose weight without increasing your movement? People will say things like they don’t believe it will matter. Once again, they do not believe in themselves. Or they will say I think this is a comfortable place with steps.

I don’t FEEL like I should have to get more steps to lose weight. They hold these beliefs that conflict with their weight loss goal and ultimately individuals rationalize and justify why they are not doing them.

It’s self-sabotage in disguise because your thinking is what is preventing you from taking ALL the actions you need to be in a calorie deficit. You kind of sort of do things, but you don’t believe in yourself so you’re not 10 out of 10 committed to taking ALL the actions fully because you don’t want to let yourself down and feel like a failure for the millionth time, so you don’t fully commit.

This is why sometimes you’re super consistent and dialed in and sometimes you’re all over the place and frustrated with yourself or experiencing this dissonance of why don’t I have results? When you’re not even in a calorie deficit.

But you’re convincing yourself this should be enough to see some results and if I’m not seeing some results with the things I am doing more why should I bother putting in more effort?

Let’s say you know all the right things you should be doing to lose weight. You know you need to bring your steps up while in a calorie deficit. You know you should prioritize your protein and fiber. You know you should track your food. You know you should budget your calories and you’re just not doing it.

You know you’re not doing it. You’re stuck in this limbo of I know what to do but I don’t know why I’m not doing it and you’re playing these mental gymnastics of why am I like this? What’s wrong with me? That is self-sabotage in disguise.

Now I’ve been helping midlife women lose fat sustainably for 11 years as my full-time job, and if I had to guess you have a library in your brain of all the times you’ve failed or maybe the approach was rigid and extreme when you have tried to lose weight, and it was miserable.

Here’s all the times you failed! Here’s all the times you tried this, and it was rigid, miserable and extreme. Your brain is saying how’s this time even going to be different?

You haven’t followed through before and you haven’t done what you said you would before so even if put in all this time and effort, I probably won’t get any of the results that I want. Then I’m going to feel like a failure and feel terrible myself.

THAT might be leading you to think I might as well not try because if I try and I fail I’m going to feel terrible and I’m going to feel guilty about all the people in my life that I let down, and I’ll feel bad because I will have let myself down again too. I’m just going to feel terrible if I let myself down. I don’t necessarily love where I am right now.

I don’t necessarily love how my body looks and feels. I don’t love the fact that I have no confidence and no energy; however, it’s scarier for me to make this change and not get the results then let myself down. So, then you don’t make a change. Because you know you can’t depend on yourself.

You may also have done deprivation diets in the past where you starved yourself to lose weight. Whether or not you realize you were starving yourself on those diets or dieting in a disordered way. You weren’t feeding your body properly and losing weight. So now, you’re scared of budgeting your calories in a deficit because you don’t want to be starving.

You might also think, you know what? Even if I do lose weight how am I ever going to maintain it. I’ve never maintained it before. Am I going to have to keep doing 10,000 steps a day? Am I going to have to keep eating this much protein? What am I going to have to do to keep this weight off? How am I going to do this with my job, family kids, and life? Ahhhhhh!!!!

All this fear is because you don’t believe in yourself. It’s self-sabotage because you do not believe in yourself. You can have the best, most sustainable, doable and practical plan, but you will sabotage yourself because in your mind you don’t believe in yourself, and you don’t believe in your ability to change.

Sometimes you’re scared because you’re like oh my gosh what if I’m starving like these other diets I did?

What if I do all this work I put in my best effort and what if I don’t lose weight? What if I do lose weight and then I don’t keep it off? What if I gain my weight back? You’re scared of failing weight loss because you have a library in your head of all the times you failed. So, in your mind you’re trying to avoid that feeling of failing.

Then you justify to yourself thinking I don’t really like how I look and feel now. I don’t like being overweight. I don’t like being unhealthy and having high cholesterol. Even though I don’t like these things, it’s familiar. I know what to expect. I can just stay here and be sort of content and so you that’s what you do.

Essentially, you’re saying I’m not happy with my body or health. I don’t love that I have no energy and feel sluggish either, but you know I can get by this way. This is familiar. I know what to expect. I can deal with this and so you justify not doing the things you’re scared of doing because you’re really scared of failing.

You’re like what if I put in all this time and effort and money and do all this work and then I let myself down? I will feel disappointed in myself if I don’t reach my goal. Or, what if I do lose weight and don’t keep it the weight off? As I said, you have a library of all the times you failed in your head.

The bottom line is you’re scared of feeling disappointed and failing again. You’re scared of letting yourself down. This is why I always say fat loss is simple, but it’s not easy.

This stuff behind the scenes with your mindset makes fat loss hard because women will unconsciously get in their own way. So, you might know all the right things to do to lose weight, but you may not be doing it and getting in your own way.

So, if this is resonating with you – I have a free self sabotage workbook for you in the show notes with questions I would ask you if I were coaching you on self-sabotage. You’re thinking in the back of your mind that you might want to give up despite really wanting to figure out how to lose weight and become healthier. So grab that download in the show notes.

Fear is one of the biggest things that prevent people from reaching goals and especially on a weight loss journey. I think it’s so prevalent especially with the midlife women that I work with because they have done so many diets in the past where they felt let down.

They did put in their best A effort and didn’t get the results they wanted, or they felt disappointed for the amount of effort that they gave, or it wasn’t sustainable and so they internalized that and then they fear the next time they try to lose weight – like even if they’re doing the best plan or the most sustainable plan, a simple plan (something normal not restrictive) they will internalize that fear and carry it with them and then sabotage themselves because of the library of failures in their mind.

Then they tell themselves cruddy things like why would this ever work for me. In the past I always failed, so how would this time be any different.

I always find this thinking so interesting because I work with so many smart professional women who have achieved awesome things in their lives. And I’m like what makes you think you won’t reach your goal. Where did you get that idea from?

Because you’ve achieved all these awesome things, what makes you think that – that in this one area of your life with nutrition and weight loss that you can’t possibly find success?

Maybe you just have not found success YET. Maybe there’s certain things you just have not figured out YET. It doesn’t mean you can’t figure them out. It only means you haven’t done it YET.

If you struggle with self-sabotage, it’s very likely you have a fixed mindset. People who have a fixed mindset give up easily. They look at failure as proof of not being good enough or able to get results.

They view failure or life challenges as a sign they aren’t cut out for what they’re doing. They are often threatened by the success of others and use other people’s success to justify giving up. They may even feel jealous of other’s success.

People with a fixed mindset tend to say things like “why bother,” “nothing works for me” or “I can’t.” They believe certain skills or abilities are things others are things people are born with. I’m not someone who is athletic enough to exercise would be an example of a fixed mindset.

People with a fixed mindset also operate from whatever circumstance they’re in. Let’s say your dog is sick and you have to drop everything to take your dog to the vet. People with a fixed mindset will use that situation to say “see this is why I can’t track today, I can’t walk, etc.”

People who have a growth mindset embrace challenges realizing it’s a normal part of life and they recognize skills and abilities are practiced and developed over time. They view failure as a chance to grow and learn and are inspired by other people’s successes.

Now if you’ve gotten to this point in the podcast, you’re probably thinking wow this sounds complicated and you’re right. This is why weight loss is not easy. Your brain does all kinds of tricks that keep you stuck.

Changing your behaviors to get results that last is work and your thoughts and fears are the biggest barriers. I say this all the time. Fat loss is simple, but it is not easy when you have all these negative thoughts and beliefs and you’re not addressing them.

You can’t out calorie count this. Low carb doesn’t fix this. Fasting doesn’t fix this. Exercise does not fix this. Protein does not fix this. Many women are stuck because they’re self-sabotaging in disguise.

It’s not a food problem. It’s a how you think problem. It’s a what you believe about yourself problem.

The good news is you’re not alone because I see this stuff repeatedly with my weight loss clients. It’s exactly what I help my clients with. I think a lot of women think coaching is just telling someone what to do and how to eat. That’s not coaching.

The food part and the technical part of weight loss is the easy part once you have a good relationship with food and mindset. It’s the thinking part and your beliefs about your ability to change that keeps you stuck in a cycle of sabotaging and not knowing why.

So, if this is you. Know there are people like me who can help you. If you are interested in getting help, schedule a weight loss consultation with me and let’s talk about how I can help you with this.