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Why Smart Women Quit Weight Loss has less to do with willpower and far more to do with unclear goals, fear of failure, and dieting approaches that are unsustainable. If you’re a smart, driven midlife woman who keeps starting over despite wanting real change, you’re not broken. And you’re not alone!
In this Dish On Ditching Diets podcast episode, I share how I lost 80 pounds after decades of yo-yo dieting and have kept it off for 17 years by shifting away from diets and toward sustainable lifestyle habits, supportive self-talk, and clear commitment to improving my health.
I break down why vague “trying” keeps women stuck, how extreme plans send you in the wrong direction, and why true commitment removes daily debate, excuses, and self-sabotage in a weight loss journey.
If you’re ready to stop quitting, stop starting over, and finally commit to a process that works in real life for midlife women, listen to the full episode now and learn what lasting weight loss actually requires.
In this Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast Episode, You Will Hear:
- Why most weight loss journeys result with quitting
- How “trying” creates an illusion of commitment
- The real reason smart women keep starting over
- Why extreme diets send you in the wrong direction
- How fear and harsh self-talk derail progress
- Why commitment to the process matters more than the scale
- How small, consistent actions lead to lasting change
Never Miss An Episode! Subscribe to the Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast on Apple, Stitcher, Spotify or Amazon Music
Weight Loss Workshop for Midlife Women
In this exclusive, science-backed workshop, you’ll identify the hidden reasons why you are not losing fat, the surprising truth about weight loss and calories plus the critical steps to fix your weight loss blind spots so you can lose weight without willpower, restriction, deprivation or extreme workouts!
Related Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast Episodes
Why You Quit Weight Loss Podcast Transcript
Hello Friends!
Today we’re talking about why smart women quit weight loss. If you’re new here. I’m not only a nutritionist who helps midlife women get healthy, lose fat, escape all or nothing diet and exercise patterns, and improve their relationship with food, but I have also lost 80 pounds after struggling with yo-yo dieting since I was a teenager.
Up, down, up, down, up, down until I finally got sick and tired of doing the yo-yo dieting thing and doing stupid things like only eating carrots and cantaloupe to lose weight.
So, when I finally got sick of yo-yo dieting, I told myself. I’m not doing diets anymore. I want to become someone who is healthier and fitter. I asked myself what are things that would help me get healthier and fitter? What first came to mind was walking.
I was working as a consultant in Torrance, California and the beach was a 10-minute drive from my hotel. I love the beach so that’s where I went to walk every night and the rest is history.
The way I lost 80 pounds and have kept it off now for 17 years was by making meaningful, permanent changes to how I was living my life – to my lifestyle, habits, routines, environment, and to my mindset. All those things created the result of me losing 80 pounds.
When I would try to lose weight, I would say I’m on a diet which to me meant restriction. But saying I was on a diet wasn’t clear that I had to change the way I was living my life, my routines, my habits, my mindset to get healthier and fitter. It was just I’m on a diet which meant severe restriction in my mind.
The other thing I would do was be incredibly dismissive of how I talked to myself. In my career I always showed up as confident. Had zero fear or reluctance to do large presentations and lead large teams.
In one of my positions, I led a team of 20 people globally. None of that ever bothered me. I was always confident and had the confidence that I could take on challenges and take on big projects in my career and could always talk up my skills in those areas, but when it came to my health.
No way and no one ever said hey, maybe part of the reason you’re not succeeding with weight loss and getting healthier and fitter is how you talk about yourself. It’s not very kind, it’s not very encouraging or supportive.
Now, maybe not for all of you, maybe you’re not like how I was, but I was up one day and realized I had a bully in my head. My head wasn’t the nicest and friendliest of places. That if somebody planted a microphone inside my head and could hear the thoughts of how I talked to myself, I’d be embarrassed. I wouldn’t want people to hear that.
My client Sarah was on this podcast in episode 146 talking about self-criticism in a weight loss journey and she spoke about this being key for her. She learned in our coaching that the way she was talking to herself was preventing her from doing things. She was being a jerk to herself, which isn’t motivating.
Now before we go further into today’s podcast, if you’ve enjoyed the podcast, if you found this podcast to be helpful, if you found it to be impactful in your life, one of the best ways you could give back would be to share any episode of this podcast that you found helpful on your social media. Just say hey, this lady helped me and this podcast episode was impactful.
I would love to help more women in their weight loss journey. I know so many women are trapped in the land of dieting and thinking this is just what it takes to be healthier, fitter and leaner and the more women we can expand the message to that the crazy diets we do are not in fact, normal and how you achieve those things the more we can all be part of a movement to pay it forward.
So, here’s the thing, most midlife women think they’re committed to their weight loss but they’re not. They have this illusion of commitment and I’m very guilty of doing this myself where I would trick myself into saying I was committed. I would be super wishy washy with what it is I’m committing to. I’m on a diet or I’m on a health journey is what I’d say.
Yeah, but the actual goal is to lose weight. Well, I didn’t want to say that. But that’s actually the goal. You should say that. You should say what you want. Well, but I also want to be fitter.
Okay, then say I want to be leaner and fitter. Right? Well, I’m just trying to feel better. Okay, then say I want to be leaner, fitter and feel better. Right? Well, I also want to be stronger. Okay, so you want to be stronger, fitter, feel better and be leaner.
The point is you need clarity on what you are trying to accomplish. If you don’t have the objective clearly defined, it’s hard to commit to something. This is one of the things that’s a telltale sign that a person isn’t committed because they have nothing to commit to.
Like I’m on a diet. What does that mean really? A diet is just how you eat. So technically no matter what you eat, you’re on a diet. It’s just this vague, general, loosey, goosey concept of I’m on a diet.
What I have begun to realize in myself and many others I’ve worked with in my 11 years as a nutritionist is we don’t commit because when we make a clear commitment it becomes very easy to fail. You see, part of the reason why we don’t commit to something is because we avoid failure.
If you don’t commit, you don’t fail. You don’t fall short of your expectations. But then sometimes when we DO commit, we get uncommitted with our language. We say things like I’m trying to lose weight. I tried to do this. I’m trying to eat more protein. I’m trying to walk more.
The phrase I’m trying is a psychological escape hatch, so you don’t have to feel bad if you don’t succeed or meet your own expectations. But the thing is, you’re either committed to something or you’re not.
If you do partial commitment, this leads to all sorts of internal conflict. Partial commitment will lead to a process riddled with self-sabotage.
Commitment gives the mind a clear direction of where to go. I want to be fitter. One way to solve that is by walking more. There are other ways you can get fitter, but one solve it walking more. Okay, so now I’m committing to walking more.
Think of it like finding a sunset. If I want to find a sunset, I should go outside and look west in the evening. If I want to find a sunrise, that’s the wrong answer. If I want to see a sunset, I have to be committed to the destination of looking outside and west in the evening. I have to get there. So, you have to have a clear direction.
Now think of this in terms of weight loss and diets. If I want to be fitter, feel better, get stronger and leaner. Does it make sense for me to walk or move my body more throughout the day and learn how to eat balanced meals within my body’s energy needs, or does it make sense for me to cut out all fruits and vegetables, oatmeal, rice and beans, and just eat meat and exercise 2 hours a day for 30 days? Or do Whole30 for 30 days? Or do 75 hard? Or do Optavia or a shake program?
You see a lot of times we are looking in the wrong direction. That was me in my own journey. I was always looking east, when I should have been looking west. I never stopped to think how is only eating carrots and cantaloupe for a short period of time going to get me healthier, fitter, stronger and feel better?
Or how would taking these diet pills get me to that destination? Never, never, ever did I stop and question if I was looking in the right direction.
But a large part of why I was looking in the wrong direction was I never made a clear commitment to what I wanted to change. I was always so focused on the scale and doing whatever tricks I could to get the scale to go down that it clouded my judgement and commitment to change.
And it is not easy to make a commitment because fear can get in the way. The need for certainty, the need for knowing how something is going to play out can prevent you from making that commitment.
People act differently though when they committed than someone who is just wishy washy and trying to sort of maybe work towards their goal. I’m going to give it my best is code for I’ll stop if it gets too hard. That’s not commitment.
You see when someone is commitment, they will solve problems before they appear. Before the problems even arise, they’re thinking ahead and planning ahead because there’s no daily debate.
A great example that many of you might relate to is driving your kid to school. You’ve made the commitment to drive your child to school every day. And so, every day, you wake up and you do it. There’s no debate about if you’re going to do it. There’s no like, oh I’m too tired. I’m too busy.
I’m just not going to take you to school today. It’s too cold. It’s raining. Oh, the cat’s sick or my boss ticked me off yesterday so guess you’re not going to school today. No one does that. The commitment is I’m taking my child to school every day no matter what.
You see when you truly commit, you are removing negotiation about quitting, about giving up, about just not doing it because you don’t feel like it. You’re getting rid of the debate of will I follow through, or won’t I? I’m going to do it until I get this thing figured out is what it becomes.
Think about driving your kid to school. Maybe your child was in elementary school last year, but this year is in middle school so it’s an entirely new route. You have to give yourself extra time to get there because you don’t know exactly how that will go.
Then fast forward a few months and you’ve got that process down to the minute. You know how to do it because you did it again and again and again and again and again and again and again and you refined and fined tuned things along the way.
The only reason you were able to do that was because you committed to showing up and not doing it wasn’t up for debate. Doing it was going to happen no matter what. It wasn’t always pretty. It was probably even messy at times.
But the reason why so many midlife women struggle with making a commitment is because of fear. Fear of failing. Fear of looking silly. Fear of not knowing how to do something. Fear of succeeding. Fear of asking for help. Fear of looking ridiculous. Fear of how things will work out. Understand fear is okay. There is nothing wrong with having fear.
But when you make a committed decision to move towards your goal, fear becomes an irrelevant factor of whether or to you’re going to do it or not. Fear doesn’t matter. You’re going to do it. Not doing isn’t an option.
When you have decided in your head what your committed to doing, and you have told yourself I am not going to stop until I figure it out and get there, your mind will stop arguing with you.
But if you make a wishy-washy, maybe, kind of, sort of, commitment your mind is not going to know what you want and get confused. You might say you’re self-sabotaging, but you’re not self-sabotaging. You just have a wishy-washy commitment with yourself.
Commitment also exposes your excuses. It puts a big spotlight on them because excuses thrive in vague and ambiguity and wishy-washy commitments. Well, I’m gonna try to walk this week. I’m gonna try to exercise this week. I’m gonna to try to eat better this week.
You see all your vagueness with the I’m trying is ripe for excuse making. It will be so easy to make excuses within the I’m trying. Imagine saying to someone I’m trying to be committed to my partner. I’m trying to be committed to my marriage. Sounds odd right? Well, it’s no different with your health.
When you make a committed decision within yourself, the excuses become very obvious. And you begin to see how you’ve been blocking yourself. You see a commitment within yourself, will cause you to take action when you otherwise would not.
Because a lot of times, we won’t do something unless we think it’ll be perfect. And so I think it’s important that not only do you commit to a destination, you commit to how you’re going to get there.
Sometimes we get so focused on what it is that we want, but we do it with this perfectionistic mindset that I have to be perfect. I gotta get everything just right. But when you don’t get everything just right, you beat yourself up in your mind because you’re only committed to an outcome like the scale.
You have to be committed to the process, the journey of becoming whatever that commitment is. Just like I was committed to becoming fitter and healthier. It wasn’t a question of can I be perfect today. It wasn’t a negotiation either. It was oh, I’m busy today and have really late meetings.
I may need to head to go on my walk on my lunch hour instead of after work. There was no negotiation. I had to learn to problem solve and think ahead. When you commit to the journey, you see where it would have been really easy to find excuses NOT to walk and to quit.
A commitment to the process and journey is best paired with a commitment of I will not quit. You need to understand the psychology around quitting. Think about how every weight loss journey ends? 100% of them end with quitting. They all end with quitting.
So, if you think about how many times you’ve started over on a weight loss journey. If you have had to start over that means you quit. Starting over means you quit. The question is why did you quit?
Most women don’t declare they’re quitting. “I’m quitting my weight loss journey. I’m quitting taking care of my health.”
They will say they’re taking a break or stopping or deflect to something that happened in their life. But always what happens is we sort of shift from I am doing this and committed to this, like I’m committed to taking my child to school, to I’m trying. I’m trying is code for I’m giving myself an out in case I quit.
So, if you’re starting over, it began with quitting. Why did you quit? Was what you were doing unsustainable? Were you changing too much at once? Are you being a bully to yourself in your head? Are you scared of eating and don’t know what things to eat? Do you have a commitment, but not a plan for how to make it happen?
People say all the time I know what to do, I’m just not doing it. That’s always code for you have no plan for how to do those things. Do you not believe in yourself? Do you feel like you’re not making progress? Why did you quit? That is the question you must self-reflect on.
When I asked myself why I quit I found all kind of things there. One of the things was that I was focused in the wrong direction. I wasn’t solving the problem of becoming someone who was healthier and fitter. I was doing weird diet plans that had me looking in the wrong direction. It never once crossed my mind that drinking two shakes a day wasn’t actually how you get healthier and fitter.
I also had this erratic way of eating when I was 215 pounds too. I would eat an 80-calorie yogurt for breakfast with a Starbucks café mocha then have a salad for lunch that had an apple and some walnuts on it, only to come home starving, eat a bag of chips and order Domino’s pizza.
I wasn’t feeding my body properly earlier in the day leading to all this nighttime chaos eating. But mentally, that was what I thought I should be doing because mentally I was always dieting and trying to be good until at nighttime I would quit because I was so hungry.
Then I started over every morning. I was always quitting because I did not know how to feed myself properly. I had to learn that in my weight loss journey.
The other thing I realized is that I was living small. Here I was successful in my career, but I was living far below my capabilities in this area of my life. I led teams, I traveled all over the global, ran major projects.
I took on all kinds of challenges and learned new things. But somehow in my mind, I always felt I couldn’t learn to cook meals I liked that were less calorie dense or that I couldn’t learn how to move my body or exercise. Thinking back, it doesn’t make sense that I discounted my capabilities without questioning.
I believe so many of you are the same as me. You’re resilient, capable and have greatness within you. Just like me, you can learn new skills and overcome challenges. That’s what a weight loss journey is about. It’s the process of learning how to take care of yourself for the rest of your life. How to create new routines that work for your lifestyle and personal preferences. How to problem solve, think ahead and adapt to everyday challenges.
We often go on a weight loss journey thinking we should have all that figured out and then when we’re not perfect the bully in our mind attacks us and when quit. When really the entire process is a learning process and if you deny yourself the process then maybe that’s why you’re always quitting and starting over.
I know you may not be where you want to be in your journey yet, but that’s not because you’re not capable of being successful. It’s your hesitation and settling for good enough that’s getting in the way.
You don’t like how you feel now, but where you are is good enough. You’re getting by and in your mind, diet means restriction and misery so getting by and settling for good enough is better than misery so you’re settling.
The goal of becoming healthier, fitter, stronger, leaner and feeling better is not about misery or no one would ever do it. And yes, it may take you some time to get all the pieces figured out, but that’s okay. The more you dilly dally the longer you will make an already long journey of transformation.
A midlife weight loss coaching client said to me recently, I thought I would be further along by now. I think she’s been in coaching for 4 months or so and I said, how long have you been dealing with these issues? She said 40 years. I told her if this takes you two years, that is nothing compared to the 40 years you have been dealing with this.
And that was exactly the perspective shift she needed. It’s also the perspective shift you must make if you’re blocking yourself because you fear how long you think it might take you. So, what how long it takes you? You’re going to start feeling better and getting fitter once you start.
Delaying getting started is delaying feeling better about yourself and getting fitter. Every day you wait, you’re delaying feeling better and taking actions towards your goal. You’re missing out on feeling your best. I think back to when I was over 200 pounds. I never could have imagined feeling this good. If someone would have told me, Megan you’re going to feel so good, be your strongest self once you commit to this journey I never would have believed them. But that is exactly what has kept me committed to this journey for the last 17 years.
I think sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough of a chance. We’re bullies to ourselves. It’s easy to put all your time and effort into your family and job so you can avoid working on yourself and towards the life you really want. It’s hard to commit to being a beginner and accepting small steps over time are how you manage this transformation. It’s hard committing to just a 10-minute walk every day.
Most people every January go to the extreme of trying to do 10,000 steps every day, but they only last 14 days. Then the rest of the year they’re barely getting any steps. Ironically, if you just committed to 10-minute walking every day for the entire year that would be way better and get your stronger than 10,000 steps for 14 days.
Heck, even if you do a 10-minute walk 300 days of the year you would feel better and get stronger. The hardest part is committing to something small and then showing up whether you think it is going to matter. I promise you; it does matter.
The goal is once you commit, do not quit. But it all begins with you committing to the process and not settling for good enough anymore. If you’re ready to stop settling for good enough, I can help. Go to the link in the show notes, schedule a free weight loss consultation with me and I’ll talk to you about how I will help you achieve realistic habits, improve your relationship with food, feel better, get fitter and lost fat permanently.
