Why Am I Not Doing What I Should Be Doing

Why am I not doing what I should be doing to lose weight? This is a very common question I receive from my weight loss clients in my nutrition practice.

What's wrong with me? I know I should be doing these things, but I'm not!

This is a common problem women over 35 have in their weight loss journey. Not practicing the habits that will support not only weight loss, but also keeping the weight off long-term.

Things like eating adequate protein and fiber, daily steps, sleep, strength training, food tracking.

Often, women over 35 will come to a weight loss coaching call and say they just simply don't understand why they are not doing the simple, basics things they know will help them feel better, have more energy and lose some body fat.

Strange thing is many of these women will additionally state they don't understand why they're not getting results. That's like putting in a D effort and asking why you don't have an A.

That line of thinking doesn't make sense!

Assuming an individual is not doing a restrictive diet with a number of strict diet rules and cutting out their favorite foods to lose weight (which you should never do!), it is confusing why you might not be doing these seemingly simple, basic things to support your health and weight loss goals.

It makes sense after experiencing many restrictive diets throughout your life, why your brain may rebel against doing something as simple as eating more protein.

Your brain interprets eating more protein (or whatever simple habit you're working on) as you're going to do this really hard, restrictive, terrible, sucky diet again.

And of course... you've done that a million times and you don't want to do that again.

You want nothing to do with that! It's an overreaction by your brain thinking this is what it takes to lose weight.

It has to be hard. It has to be terrible. It has to suck a lot. No one wants to do that! That's part of the reason why people rebel.

But none of that is true when you are working on a true lifestyle transformation because extreme things don't work long-term.

But here's the other piece of this women are not aware of... that their own perfectionist thinking is also why they are sabotaging themselves and that is why they are not doing what they should be doing to lose weight.

In this Dish On Ditching Diets podcast episode, Megan shares the real reason why you're not doing what you know you should be doing to lose weight permanently, why you feel unmotivated after starting to work on new habits or a new diet after some time.

Additionally, Megan discusses the internal bully and negative mind chatter you're not aware of making your journey harder.

She shares what to do and what to change to make your journey more consistent. Hint it's not about the food!

In this Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast Episode, You Will Hear:

• The Real Reason Why You're Not Doing What You Should Be Doing To Lose Weight That No Diet Talks About
• Why You Feel Unmotivated After Starting
• The Negative Mind Chatter and Internal Bully You're Not Aware Of
• How Your Thinking Impacts Your Motivation
• How Your Past Dieting Impacts Your Perception Of What It Takes To Lose Weight

Never Miss An Episode! Subscribe to the Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast on Apple, Google Play, Stitcher, Spotify or Amazon Music

Related Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast Episodes

• 5 Basics Of Weight Loss
• The Mental Diet
• Why Weight Loss Is So Hard
• Dropping Self Judgment To Lose Weight
• Lose 10 Pounds In 10 Days

Why Am I Not Doing What I Should Be Doing Podcast Transcript

Hello Friends! Today we’re talking about why you’re not doing what you should be doing. 

So, you’re working on improving your habits. You’re working on getting healthier, getting fitter, losing some body fat but for some reason you just can’t seem to do the things you know you should do.

You have the tools. You know what to do. Maybe you even have a coach. But you just can’t seem to put anything into action. 

Or, maybe, you do things inconsistently here and there and you’re like I just can figure out what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I get my act together? Why can’t I just do these things? It’s so simple!

I don’t understand why I’m not doing anything. I want to lose weight. I want to get healthier. I want to be a good example to my family and other.

My health is important to me, but I just can’t figure out what’s wrong with me and why I’m not doing what I should be. I hired a coach. I purchased a program.

I know I should track my food. I know I should pay attention to protein and fiber. I know I should walk more and pay attention to my steps.

I know I should strength train. But I’m not doing any of it!

I’ve been coaching women over 35 for 10 years now in my nutrition practice and this is something I hear frequently.

"Megan why am I not doing what I know I should be doing? What’s wrong with me?"

The interesting thing I have observed is that most people know what they need to do. They know the stuff they need to do like eat 3 balanced meals a day, eat enough protein and fiber, get their daily steps, do some exercise and strength training.

These are the basics I spoke about in podcast episode 102 - the 5 basics of weight loss. Most people know they should be doing those things.

Sometimes they’re unsure about how much protein and fiber, but most people know they should be doing these things, and they just are not doing them.

Now, I will say most individuals are way too extreme with their food choices and exercise.

They’ve done so much dieting and have dieted to an extreme that now they have a very poor relationship with food and their bodies. They’ve been mentally dieting for years. 

So, now when they think about doing any type of health habit their mind automatically goes to oh no, I have to be super strict again. I have to restrict all my favorite foods.

I can only eat healthy foods. I have to be super rigid with my diet and exercise to get results.

This is the automatic default most people’s brains go to when they just think about getting healthier and losing some body fat.

They go to this extreme mindset, and it scares them. They get scared and then they rebel.

They’re like oh yeah, I don’t want to have to do that. I spoke about this in episode 103 – why weight loss is so hard and episode 92 the mental diet.

Then at some point they’re like well, I still want to lose weight. I still want to get healthy, be fitter, all the things so I’m going to do this new diet, this new program.

And this new diet or program will be the answer!

Maybe they even hire a coach. So, then they start the new program or diet and at some point, they find they aren’t doing anything.

They’re not following the program. They’re not following the plan their coach outlined for them.  

I see this happen with clients from time to time. They’re humming along, learning their habits, practicing their habits and then at some point, they just stop.

And I have had clients, not many, but a few who from the beginning just did nothing. Like I would say, let’s just work on getting your protein at breakfast or let’s just work on a 10-minute walk.

Let’s not worry about the rest, let’s just do this one simple habit. And they won’t do. There’s a failure to launch. 

Then inevitably with either scenario when this happens, the client comes to the call and says to me. What’s wrong with me? What am I not doing what I should be?

They’re frustrating, feeling defeating and sometimes on the verge of saying screw it. Some even say to me why should I bother trying?

The ironic thing is they’re not even trying, but they still say that to me!

Some clients will even tell me I know I’m not doing anything. I’m not doing what I should be doing. I’m not going on a 10-minute walk.

I’m not working on my protein at breakfast. I don’t understand why I’m not doing anything. What’s wrong with me Megan?

Then in the same train of thought they’ll say to me, Megan I’m not getting results. I’m so frustrated because I’m not getting results! Do you spot the problem here?

They’re admitting to me that they’re not doing anything and asking me what’s wrong with them, yet complaining they’re not getting results?

This line of thinking doesn’t even make sense. That’s like someone saying why am I not getting an A at school, but they never do any of the assignments.

You cannot expect A or even B results when you’re putting in a D or F effort. And yes! I’ve had clients who’ve done this.

You can’t expect results when you’re not doing anything. 

So, the more important question is why does this happen? Why are you not doing what you should be? 

I’m going to share with you why and it has nothing to do with your program, unless of course your program is super restrictive and strict.

But assuming your program is not those things, and your coach is giving you manageable habits to practice with guidance and direction then the reason why you’re not doing what you should be doing has nothing to do with the program. 

Oh, and it has nothing to do with how much you want weight loss either. I say this because sometimes clients will say to me, I must not want this bad enough.

I must not want to lose weight. I must not want to get healthy. It’s not that either my dear.

The problem as to why you’re not doing what you should be doing is because you have a bully inside of you that you’re mentally battling with.

That internal bully is judgmental and harsh. So, every time you start a new program, or you start working on doing one simple habit like doing a 10-minute daily walk, or just drinking more water, or working on protein at breakfast, tracking your food, whatever it is, that internal bully starts showing up. 

You start working on a 10-minute walk and the internal bully says 10-minutes isn’t enough. This is going to take forever.

I’m never going to lose weight at this rate. Or you start working on your protein at breakfast and a few days you screw up.

Maybe you were out of town, had family visiting, were traveling or you just got off track for whatever reason. The internal bully starts to say see you can’t do this. You’re always screwing up.

You can never stick with anything. You can’t even do something as simple as breakfast. You’re never going to figure this out!

Or maybe you begin tracking your food to lose weight and you realize it’s hard because you’re a beginner. Anything new is always hard in the beginning.

But now because you’re a beginner and it’s hard, your internal bully starts to say… you’re never going to be able to do this, this is so much work, you’re too busy to track your food, how are you going to do this when you go to a restaurant or travel, look at all the terrible food you’re eating, it’s impossible to track!

Or maybe let’s say you get off track a few days and stop tracking… now your internal bully says you’re never going to be able to do this.

There’s no way you can get back on track and even if you do, you screwed up and ruined all your progress! You’re starting all over!

You’re always starting over. You can never stick with anything. You’re probably not going to be able to do this anyway. Look at all the other times you failed and quit.

This time will probably be the same.

Whatever the scenario is, this is the negative chatter or stinky thinking that you have. This negative chatter feels terrible! Terrible!

And when you have this terrible internal chatter or stinky thinking, guess what happens to your motivation? It goes right in the toilet. 

No one wants to listen to this constant negativity. It’s judgmental, harsh, mean and it’s putting you down.

So, if you have this internal negativity that’s playing in your mind guess what?

You are going to feel unmotivated from this negativity and eventually you will want relief. You don’t want to hear this bully. You want away from the negativity and bully.

Relief from your internal bully, from your negative mind chatter that’s like why aren’t you doing the stuff you’re supposed to do, you committed to doing this and you’re not doing anything, here you go again, you’re failing again, you always do this, you never follow through!

This negative chatter is like a bully and you’re looking for relief from that bully and negative self-talk.

I want out of this. I don’t want to have to try anymore. I don’t want to have to listen to this negative internal chatter. I want to get away from this. I want away from the bully!

If I stop this program or stop trying, I can get away from this. I can stop feeling bad about myself. I can stop listening to this harsh bully who’s judgmental and mean!

You want relief from the bully. You want relief from the negative self-talk. So, then you think in a thought error that if you stop working on your habits, you quit the program, you stop trying then you think you won’t have to listen to this negativity, and you’ll get away from the bully.

But the truth is the next time you start a program or work with a new coach, the internal bully is going to appear again. It is not going to go away because you’re in the habit of being a bully to yourself.

Being a jerk to yourself. Yes, I just said that. You are a jerk to yourself! You would never think of talking the way you talk to yourself to people you love.

But you have a lower standard for yourself, and you think you are doing yourself a big old favor by being harder on yourself.

You think by being harder on yourself, you will feel more motivated. But the opposite is true. No one is ever motivated from negativity. 

Children are the easiest way for us to see this. If you have a child that you are constantly berating and putting down.

I know you did the dishes, but you didn’t do them well enough. I know you tried to clean your room, but you forgot to pick up your clothes.

I know you got a B on your report card, but why didn’t you get an A? I know you tried your best at soccer practice, but why didn’t you score the last two goals? You shouldn’t have missed them!

Imagine what would happen to a child you constantly did this to! Do you think they would suddenly feel more motivated to try harder and do better? No!

They will shut down. They won’t try harder. The opposite will happen! They’re stop trying.

Because there is no positive reinforcement of their behavior, of the fact that they’re trying their best and still learning. 

Now put yourself in the place of the child. You are no different just because you’re an adult. Do you think just because you’re an adult that your psychology wouldn’t work the same as a child? No!

It’s just easier to see with children how this happens. You need compassion and positive reinforcement too and this is something you have to learn to do for yourself. 

The good news is you already know how to do this. How would you speak to a friend? I’m sure you would never say to a good friend what’s wrong with you – why are you not doing what you should be doing? 

What would you say to them? I know you know what you would say to a friend. The key is you must practice saying those kind and compassionate words to yourself!

You are in the habit of being a bully towards yourself and you don’t even realize it.

If you want the number one guaranteed way to put your motivation in the toilet and never feel like doing anything, keep being a jerk towards yourself.

Keep being a bully. Keep speaking to yourself negativity. Keep saying to yourself why am I not doing what I should be? 

But here’s the thing… you don’t get to act confused anymore about why this is going on. You’re not doing what you know you should be doing because of the internal bully and negative mind chatter.

By not doing anything, it gives you relief from the negative mind chatter. But the problem is the relief is temporary and a new diet, a new program, a new coach does not fix that!

You start a new diet, a new program, get a new coach and the negative mind chatter starts up all over again. 

That’s because your mind is the real problem and it’s definitely not that you don’t want to be health, don’t want to lose weight or that you can’t do this.

Anyone can do this. But if you always let your mind get in the way, it will constantly be a battle.

You have to practice your self-talk as much as you practice your walking, protein, fiber, strength training, etc.

Here's something else a lot of clients say to me that are along the same lines as why am I not doing what I should be. It’s… “I’m so out of control.”

Could you imagine saying that to a friend? You’re so out of control.

It’s belittling. Judgmental. Harsh. Rude. If you said that to a friend, would they be your friend anymore? No! That friend would divorce you with a capital D.

Saying I’m so out of control feels terrible. It’s harsh. It’s mean. It feels terrible, terrible, to think a thought like I’m so out of control.

This is where a lot of you don’t realize how your stinky thinking gets in the way of you doing the very basic things it takes to create new habits, learn new habits, practice new habits, and lose some body fat. 

The actions that it takes to lose weight and create a sustainable lifestyle are very basic – I spoke about this in episode 102 – the 5 basics of weight loss.

The actions are simple, well they’re simple when you stop listening to all the fear mongoling people spewing crazy nonsense – like don’t eat carbs, don’t eat fruit, eat your foods in a certain order, don’t eat dairy, don’t eat meat, don’t eat vegetables you’ll die!

Many of you fall victim to this stupid nonsense and so I get it, it can be confusing but truthfully that is not the problem the majority of you have.

The majority of you have a mindset problem and because of that you never establish new habits, and you never get consistent with anything to see lasting results.

What you must understand is when you are speaking to yourself like a jerk, you drive your motivation into the ground. Then you don’t want to do anything. It makes sense why you don’t want to do anything.

It’s because you’re talking to yourself like a bully. Most of you don’t realize this though. You act confused like I don’t understand why I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

You’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing because you’re being a bully to yourself!

You would never think of talking to a friend or family member that you cared about this way. Imagine speaking to them and saying you’re so out of control.

What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you get it together? Why are you so out of control? You’re probably not going to be able to do this? You should probably give up. 

Would you say something like that to them? No! Never! But you sure are in the habit of saying it to yourself. But you don’t realize you’re even doing it. 

When I coach a weight loss client, they are doing this kind of negative self-talk subconsciously. It pours out of their mouth, and I catch them saying it and often, it doesn’t even register with them that they have done this.

So, when I repeat it back to them, they’re kind of surprised like did I really just say that?

But most of the time they hear themselves saying it, but they really don’t get why it’s a problem until I repeat it back to them then highlight. Would you speak to a friend that way? Is that what you would say to them? 

I have yet to have a client say, well sure I’d speak to a friend or family member that way. No one has ever told me yes, Megan, this is how I would speak to someone I care about. Never!

Everyone always says, well no, I’d tell them they can do this. I’d tell them they can figure this out.

They can work at this one habit at a time or they can get right back on track. Ironic how all of you know exactly what you would say to a friend or family member, but you can’t seem to say it to yourself. 

But this is why you’re kind of off, kind of on, kind of off, kind of on. You’re not really feeling it. You’re not super motivated. This is why!

Because subconsciously you’re having this negative self-talk and you’re in the habit of putting yourself down.

If you want change, you have to work on talking to yourself better and catching yourself when you’re acting like a jerk towards yourself. 

Instead of saying I’m so out of control, work on saying things to yourself like I’m practicing new habits. I’m learning new habits. I can learn new habits.

I can figure out a solution to this. I can work on one habit right now. Much more motivating than just saying I’m so out of control or what’s wrong with me.

Saying what’s wrong with me keeps you stuck in a fixed mindset.

I can never change. This is who I always am going to be. This is how I will always be. I probably won’t be able to do this so why bother trying. That is a fixed mindset.

A better mindset is solution based. What can I try? What might work? What other areas of my life have I been successful in that may give me a glimmer of hope that I can make these changes?

What changes have I already made that show me I’m going in the direction of where I want to go?

Notice these questions lead you to more solutions and they also are more neutral and factual. They are not so dramatic like what’s wrong with me or I’m so out of control.

Neutral and factual questions are going to help you move forward vs. the fixed mindset of what’s wrong with me or why am I not doing what I should be doing keeps you stuck. 

So, if you like being stuck. You like where you are and want to stay there, then keep asking those questions. Keep asking questions that suck! Keep being a jerk to yourself.

Keep bullying yourself. If you really like that then stay there but recognize that one year from now you will be exactly in the same place you are today with THAT mindset.

If you don’t want to stay where you are, you DO want to change, then start asking solution-based questions.

Start being kind and compassionate towards yourself. I did a podcast called dropping self judgement to lose weight awhile back. It is episode 63.

The biggest thing I have observed women struggling with in the 10 years I’ve been doing this job, is they are so hard and judgmental towards themselves.

So, if you struggle with the things I’m talking about today. Give that podcast episode a listen right after you get done with this one.

Okay ladies, I’m so thankful for you being here and listening. I hope this episode was helpful for you!

If you have been enjoying the podcast, I ask that you take a minute to leave a 5-star rating and review.

Also, make sure you are subscribed to the podcast on whatever platform you’re listening to this on so that you never miss an episode. I’ll chat with you soon! 

About Megan

Megan is a certified nutrition practitioner, author, freelance food photographer and fitness instructor living in Phoenix, Arizona. On her blog, Skinny Fitalicious she shares EASY, gluten free recipes for weight loss. Follow Megan on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram for the latest updates.