The costly summer weight loss mistake women over 35 make! This annual dieting cycle causes women to be constantly on and off with their diet and never reach their weight loss goals.
January begins with the typical goal of getting healthier and losing weight then at some point motivation goes down.
You begin to slack off with your new healthy eating habits, exercise and sleep routine. Suddenly you're off track, but you know summer's coming so you get yourself back on track.
You restrict yourself with food and exercise harder because swimsuit season is coming and you need to fit into your shorts!
Then summer is here, the kids are out of school, your schedule is off, you're staying up later, drinking more alcohol, eating less healthy food.
Vacations, holidays and parties distract you so you promise yourself you will start over in September when the kids are back to school and your schedule is "normal."
September comes and you're back to dieting, restricting and telling yourself you can't eat certain things.
Before you know it, Halloween is here and with it comes all the candy! So you say - screw it. I can't control myself with all this candy around. I'll start over in January.
During the holiday season you're off track eating whatever, not working out and feeling ashamed for your choices. Soon January is here and the cycle begins again!
Listen to this weight loss podcast episode to hear the mindset blocks causing you to go on and off plan throughout the year (particularly in the summer), why your diet isn't an all or nothing and the mindset shifts you need to make to lose weight permamently!
In this Dish on Ditching Diets Podcast Episode, You Will Hear:
- How To Handle Tough Seasons of Life
- Answer To A Listener Question
- The Costly Summer Weight Loss Mistake Women Over 35 Make
- The Annual Dieting Cycle Many Get Trapped In & Do Not Realize It
- The Mental Merry-Go-Round With Food
- How You Reinforce The Costly Summer Mistake Behavior In Your Mind
- The Mindset Tricks Keeping You Stuck & What To Do About It
Never Miss An Episode! Subscribe to the Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast on Apple, Google Play, Stitcher, Spotify or Amazon Music.
Related Dish On Ditching Diets Podcast Episodes
Costly Summer Weight Loss Mistake Transcript
Hello Friends! Today we’re talking about the costly summer weight loss mistake almost everyone makes and how to break the cycle. But before we get into that I first want to address the elephant in the room. If you’ve been following me on social media, you know I went through a massive life change in June.
I had to kick my boyfriend of 7 years out of my home. It has been incredibly traumatic what he did to me and the harassment I have endured from his new married girlfriend is beyond conceivable.
This story is so insane. It is unbelievable that this is my life and I just want to thank each one of you who have reached out to me and supported me as I have publicly shared what I am going through as a way to empower other women.
One thing I spoke about in a particular Instagram story was how we all go through terrible things in life. Someone passes, a partner deceives you, you lose a job, you go through something traumatic and often we as humans get so angry at ourselves for not doing everything perfectly.
I’m not walking, not sleeping, not tracking my calories, eating all my protein. What’s wrong with me? Why am I not doing these things? We are hard on ourselves, and we think being harder on ourselves is the answer when it is not.
When you are going through tough things, it is a time to have compassion and kindness for yourself. It is not a time to be harder on yourself, but often that is our natural tendency as humans – to be angry at ourselves.
The entire month of June I did not sleep, exercise, or eat very much food. I was so shocked by everything that my ex was doing behind my back and traumatized from it that I was surviving minute to minute, day to day that month.
I share this with you because I know from working with hundreds of clients, I have seen some of them during our time coaching together go through similar situations and I have seen them getting really angry at themselves.
This is not a time to get angry. It’s a time to have compassion and understanding with yourself.
So anyway, have compassion and be nice to yourself if you are going through something hard. Know the hard won’t last forever and you will come out on the other side stronger than ever.
Okay let’s chat about a listener message I received several weeks ago. This is from Joanna. Joanna says…
“I just discovered your podcast and found it helpful. I like hearing the answers to listeners questions because you respond to the underlying need, and, as I feel like I’m in a middle, wondered if you could help me in the same way. Over many years (I’m mid 50s) I’ve managed to go from restricted judgy eating to having healthy meals using mindfulness techniques and learning about nutrition/food tracking. I’m at a weight I feel comfortable and exercise for pleasure. However, what I still do is weigh myself and eat extra pleasurable foods if I lose weight. When I do stop weighing myself (to keep a track on maintenance) I end up feeling fearful of reverting to my old, disordered ways and become very strict about eating ‘well’. No fun.
I also wonder if I under eat - I eat around 1500/1600 cals a day but as I exercise regularly, wonder if it should be more (or am I simply underestimating what I actually eat every day?) Anyway, I’m confused, I’m generally happy around food but would like to take a step to being back like I was when I was a kid, eating and moving on. Or is that not possible for a woman in charge of a family and the food we eat? Joanna”
So, there is a lot to unpack in this letter!
First, yes, it is possible for a woman in charge of a family to eat with freedom.
It sounds to me like you want freedom to be able to eat and not feel imprisoned by the scale or overthinking what you eat. Just be able to move on and it is very much possible to achieve that.
Couple questions. What makes you believe you cannot maintain your weight without the scale? How long have you been getting on the scale like this? Do you think the scale is really helping you?
I do not believe it is – I believe it’s creating an unhealthy reward system of eating where you eat to reward yourself for losing weight.
Remember the scale does not measure fat loss. Even if the scale went down and you lost water weight, you are eating to reward yourself.
You are viewing the number on the scale as whether you were good or bad. I was good so; therefore, I deserve to eat food. That line of thinking is the problem not your calories or the food.
This leads me to wonder if you are restricting foods too much Joanna. Are you really allowing yourself to include pleasurable foods on a regular basis or only when the scale goes down?
Do you view those foods as off limits? People who regularly include all foods in their diet do not feel the need to overindulge in them.
I always tell my clients the goal is to have a flexible diet, not a rigid one.
Sometimes people who exercise and know a lot about nutrition can be so focused on eating healthy foods almost to an extreme where they are living in a healthy eating prison.
The mindset tends to be there are right foods, bad goods, good foods and that mindset is one that makes you feel trapped in a prison like you cannot just eat food freely without feeling as if you did something wrong.
Food is just food.
The main thing I see when I read your letter Joanna is that you do not trust herself.
You do not trust yourself with food, you do not trust herself to maintain your weight without the scale, you do not trust if you are eating the right amount of food.
Trust is what I see as the real problem.
Knowing the right number of calories isn’t the fix. The fix is building trust with yourself.
You could work on that on your own by breaking up with the scale and then gradually breaking up with tracking your food.
Instead of tracking daily, you start by tracking 6 days a week then 5 days a week then 4 days a week on and on until you can finally let go.
Maintain your weight by how your clothes fit and work on including all foods not just healthy foods in your diet.
And if you can’t do it on your own, then definitely reach out to me for coaching or someone else that you trust.
Okay now for the meat and potatoes of today’s episode. The costly summer mistake every makes with their weight!
Tell me if this sounds like you… January was filled with hope and motivation. You were ready to tackle your weight loss goals.
You were inspired to get healthy and determined to look your best and feel your best. That lasted about a month or two... maybe three and then your motivation began to fade.
Then you found yourself struggling with consistency and your brain telling you it's too slow. Nothing’s happening – this is taking forever. Weekends got more challenging.
The moments of going “off track” became a bit more frequent.
Then around April or May, you felt rejuvenated again. Let’s do this!
Summer is around the corner! You feel like you need to do something to fit in your swimsuit and shorts and go on vacation.
So, you tried to diet harder so you could look your best during a time when you wear less clothes.
The thought of being uncomfortable in shorts is not ok with you. Your motivation and drive returned. But now, your schedule is changing.
Kids are out of school. More vacations, family and social events are on the calendar. You are out of your routine.
Staying up later at night because the sun is out. And, once again, you’re finding it difficult to stay consistent. It's all fading.
This is often the moment when most people start to project ahead.
There may be graduation parties, a vacation on the calendar, 4th of July was a loss anyway, Labor Day is not far away, the social events are mounting, and you don’t want to be “dieting” your way through all the fun over the summer.
You just want to have fun! It feels overwhelming. It’s stressing you out to think about.
This is right around the time when most people disconnect from their goals. They convince themselves that now isn’t the right time.
There’s too much going on. I'm too busy...I can't do it now.
Summer is not the time to be obsessing and stressing so let’s just get through it and then we’ll refocus once things are normal again.
Typically, this happens around September. Once school starts up, you have shift in motivation.
All of the sudden, you realize how uncomfortable you are with how you look and feel.
So, you jump back into dieting. That usually lasts until the Halloween candy shows up and suddenly, it's the holiday season!
The holiday season is another period of disconnection... too many things to focus on my goals. Why bother, I can't be perfect anyway.
And the cycle starts all over again in January. Am I right? Does this sound familiar?
Let me break down what you’re communicating to yourself in this scenario.
By the way, this is what MOST people do. So, it’s not something to feel bad about.
Simply be aware of what you are doing and what you are communicating to yourself.
Anyway, the message you’re sending to yourself is...
- My schedule must be calm in order to pursue my goal and take care of my health
- If I’m going to pursue my goal and take care of my health, I need to be perfect. If I can’t be perfect, I shouldn’t bother trying.
- It’s ok to waste time in the pursuit of my goal because I can always take care of my health later
- It’s better timing when I’m not so busy to take care of my health
- My goal of taking care of my health, having more confidence, being an example for my kids etc. is only a priority "some" of the time
When you do this behavior pattern year over year, it reinforces the idea that when things get hectic and busy, you stop.
When you have a lot on your plate, taking care of your health gets pushed aside. So even when you jump back in and go full steam ahead when things settle down…
It’s a ticking time bomb.
Because the next time things get busy, you stop again. Since you’ve reinforced this particular mindset and behavior pattern for yourself.
There are 2 periods of time that set you up for massive success. Summer and the holiday season. Why?
Because these seasons teach you how to be successful during a time that’s the most challenging. If you’re successful when things are more challenging, then guess what happens when things are less challenging?
You’re able to take huge leaps forward! Challenging times are the BEST time to start or to continue working on reaching your goal.
I hear this from women I speak with in my consultations often. They will tell me all the things they have coming up, vacations, work trips, family events and their brain is already trying to talk them out of doing anything.
My response always is that this is the best time to start. You are never not going to have these real-life obstacles to navigate.
You will never have a perfect time in your life when nothing is happening or going on and honestly you must learn how to navigate those times otherwise you will always oscillate between being on and off track.
The best time to work on your goals are the busy times.
Because when you can nail down habits, work on mindset, and make progress towards your goal during a difficult time… it makes the whole process easier for you in the future to navigate those timeframes.
Sustainably...
And now you're not mentally dieting year-round either and feeling frustrated because you have no results when physically you're not truly doing the basics of taking care of your health or in a fat loss phase.
In podcast episode, 92 I talk about the mental diet a lot of women are on. They are mentally dieting 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Mentally thinking about food, thinking about to eat and what not to eat, jumping between restricting food and overindulging in food, they’re on and off constantly and mentally they are constantly thinking about food, but they are not actually physically dieting.
This mental diet I talk about in that podcast episode goes along exactly with this yearly cycle most individuals go through with dieting and being hard core in January then dwindling in the summer then back on in September then off again during the holidays.
The cycle goes round and round and the way out is becoming aware of what you’re doing and recognizing how detrimental what you are doing is to yourself with this behavioral pattern.
What you are communicating to yourself with this mindset.
Almost every woman I speak to says they want to be examples to their kids. What are you communicating to your kids by doing this summer weight loss mistake?
By repeating this annual cycle? By starting over every Monday? Not only to yourself. What are you communicating to them and the people around you?
The biggest problem is your perfectionist – all or nothing thinking. Most individuals have good intentions but go into January or September or every Monday saying I’m going to get for real, this is the time it’s going to change.
Sometimes you have a big last dinner or last hurrah with food because you mistakenly think on January 1st or September 1st or on Monday you’re going to wake up and be perfect.
If I just get it all out of my system and eat everything I want, have my last hurrah, somehow, I’m going to wake up tomorrow that food will be out of my system and I’m just going to be so motivated.
I’ve taken away all my triggers. You con yourself all the time with this perfectionist thinking.
The perfectionist in you thinks if you just reset the slate and start all over again on January or September that you’ll just be better. You’ll be motivated. You’ll do better.
You’re like I can’t do it perfectly now because I have all these events and things going on and my schedule is so bonkers but, on this day, this month or on Monday I’ll be motivated and can do better.
That’s how you con yourself!
Here's the problem. Perfectionist thinking combined with thinking you’ll be better at some point in the future is a fallacy.
Number one how many times have you tried that and failed? Has it ever worked? I guarantee if you are listening to me it has never worked for you.
Sometimes you can go a few weeks or a few months, but long-term it never works. At some point it falls apart.
A lot of people start the day off good and end the day telling themselves they will be better tomorrow. There is relief in telling yourself that.
It is not because you are broken or there is something wrong with you. It’s because you get relief in thinking I will do better tomorrow. It alleviates the guilt. It offers relief that right now that you can just cave to instant gratification.
Your immediate whims and desires and on this other day in the future something magical is going to happen and it’s all just going to fall into place. That feels hopeful.
Many people get caught in this thought loop. It’s not because there is something wrong with you. It’s not because you can't be healthy and you’re no good at losing weight.
It’s not for any reason other than that thinking feels good.
And then on top of that hopeful thinking, you add food on top of it for a dopamine hit and your brain is like OMG I want to think like this. This feels good! It creates a desire for that type of thinking.
The only thing you have to do is be aware that this is your brain thinking tomorrow you are magically going to wake up being a different person.
Or somehow in September it will be easier, you can be perfect, you will no longer be tempted, you will have more willpower.
On that date you fantasize that you’re going to have something that today you don’t have. But the truth is no one changes like that. We change over time, making baby steps. But we never change overnight.
In the moment when you have these thoughts, you have to tell yourself they’re not true.
I’m not going to wake up tomorrow suddenly being someone who’s not tempted by food and who doesn’t want to do this anymore.
I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and be able to execute everything perfectly. If that’s the case, what can I do right now in this moment that is still better even if it’s not perfect.
This is where your perfectionism will go I just can’t do this right now – it’s too hard and overwhelming, or I just won’t go for a walk because I don’t have an hour to go like I usually do.
Because your brain gets caught up in this notion that has to be all perfect. It’s the summer – I can’t do anything well because our routine is different.
We have all these things happening. I just can’t think about this. It gives you relief to think that way because you want to be perfect. You expect perfection.
The reason your brain loves the perfectionist thinking is because it feels good, it offers relief. What most people do is try to end the behavior suddenly dead stop by telling themselves you can’t do that.
We give ourselves a lot of thinking that doesn’t replace the good thinking. We replace it with harsh, willpower, force, restriction, it’s so unfair I don’t get to eat this, everyone else can eat what they want, I’m going to have to start my diet tomorrow.
You talk about so excruciatingly then you wonder why it feels horrible to start a health journey. It’s because there’s no good thinking in there! It’s all shame and punishment.
So, you have to think through the summertime and essentially all the time how are you going to think through things differently that feels aspirational and better.
What are you going to gain from doing something for your health? How will it benefit your life?
It never makes sense to me why someone says I can’t do it now because it’s summer. You are always better off doing something than doing nothing.
If you can’t get 10,000 steps a day isn’t it still better to get some steps? If you can’t get all your protein because you’re on vacation, isn’t it still better to get some protein and do the best you can?
It may not be as good as it would be when it’s not summer or vacation time. But you are always better off doing something than nothing.
An overweight person walking 10 minutes a day is always healthier than a skinny person doing nothing.
The weight loss clients I have worked with have such terrible internal self-talk that they tell themselves how it’s not good enough, it’s too hard, they focus on all the challenges and obstacles.
What everyone needs to do is focus on how their life will benefit. What they will gain even with something small and doable.
Do you think when it’s summer and I’m on vacation I’m perfect? No, that’s part of living this lifestyle!
It’s not like I am a perfect, clean eating robot and workout consistently 100% of the time for 6 months and then retire to the couch.
There are seasons when you are just more dialed in than others. That’s all it is, but a lot of you have trouble understanding this concept because you are so used to crash dieting and trying to get results as fast as possible.
You focus so much on the weight loss. Like if I lose weight this will be done, and I won’t have to think about this again.
Once I lose weight, I’ll get relief because I’ll finally feel better about myself because I’m so uncomfortable in my skin. No!
Focus on the process. What can you do today to feel a little better? Can you go for a 10-minute walk? Can you eat protein at each meal? Can you do the best you can on vacation? Can you add a vegetable to each meal?
Focus on the process of getting healthy. Not losing weight. When you focus on the process of adding healthy habits, you can focus on how much better you feel, how much more energy you have, how much stronger you are.
We seem to lose sight of these things and only focus on losing weight because our perfectionist thinking is so harsh and mean that we believe losing weight will give us relief from how we think about ourselves.
Losing weight does not give you confidence forever. You get confidence from showing up, keeping promises to yourself, acknowledging where you put in effort even when it wasn't perfect and from talking to yourself better like you would a friend.
This is the costly summer weight loss mistake everyone makes!
So, when it comes to summertime and your goals, what can you do that isn’t to your perfectionist standards? What can you do that allows you to make progress even if it’s not as good as you want it to be or gets you results fast as you want?
What do you gain from saying no to the extra glass of alcohol? What do you gain from going on a 10-minute walk if normally it is 30-minutes? What do you still gain from doing things imperfectly?
Everything with behavior change always stems from mindset and your belief system. What I shared today requires a mindset shift that many individuals need to make to get off this annual dieting merry-go-round.
Sabotaging in the summer and during the holidays and being strict a few months of the year.
All of you must unlearn being hard on yourself and expecting perfection because if that is you – that is why you’re stuck. Get off the merry-go-round and start building the life you want!
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