One of the hardest things about being sick and injured these last few years has been accepting the friends who leave you when you're sick. I'm certain those of you who have been chronically sick know exactly what I mean. Until you get sick, you don't realize how valuable your health is beyond your body. People not only judge you beyond your character, knowledge and physical appearance, they judge you based on your health too.
If you've followed my story, then you know what I been through. In case you haven't, here's a quick rundown of what's happened.
- January 2014 - Right heal fracture
- October 2014 - Right ankle stress fracture
- May 2015 - Left torn plantar fascia
- July 2015 - Right tibia fracture
Surrounding those events I suffered from chronic stress, adrenal fatigue and was diagnosed with HA. I stopped getting periods in 2009 for reasons no one could explain. Prior to 2009, I had iron deficiency anemia and B12 deficiency. Those problems began 2005-ish. No one has ever been able to confirm that these things are connected, but I 100% know they are.
As a result, I spent most of 2015 trying to get my hormones working because I knew it was the key to everything. I felt horrible. I couldn't think straight. I was exhausted. The simplest tasks wore me out and anything unexpected caused me major anxiety.
I knew something was very wrong with my body, and finding a doctor who would help was nearly impossible. But I was determined to find someone who would and eventually I did. That doctor diagnosed me with an auto-immune disease, which I have not talked about yet.
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Beyond the doctors not listening though, the hardest part was dealing with friends who leave you when you're sick. When people began to realize I was sick and not just the I have a cold kind of sick, they began distancing themselves from me.
One friend in particular, one day started giving me the cold shoulder and acting as though we had never been friends. She stopped texting me, broke off all communication with me. To this day, I haven't heard from her. I guess a sick friend was something she wasn't willing to deal with.
It wasn't friends who left either, it was co-workers too. Once people began to notice how often I was missing for doctors appointment, they started distancing themselves from me. They would give me looks of pity in meetings or in the hallway. Getting those looks was a horrible, awful feeling.
I went from being the most highly regarded employee to someone no one wanted to be around. They jokingly called me "the shit magnet." Suddenly, I knew what the disabled kid on the playground I grew up with felt like. Isolated and alone. I felt ashamed going to the office. There came a point when I didn't even want to be there because of how I was made to feel.
Now I can handle a lot, but all of this. I couldn't handle all of this. Not alone. Not ever. And having friends leave me on top of it was an extra stab in the wound. This was one time in my life that I was really suffering and needed friends.
I guess maybe people are scared of people who are sick. They think it's contagious or maybe they just don't want to be around the sadness of it. Either that or they don't know how to deal with it. They don't know what to say or do so they just leave.
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Losing friends to illness was a painful process, but it allowed me to see the world with a new perspective. It allowed to see there were people in my life who did not need to be in my life. They were not adding value to me or to the person I wanted to be.
Instead of them leaving me, I tried looking at it as me leaving them. I realized I had chosen friendships with people who ultimately, let me down. Yes, I was the one sick and suffering but I didn't need people in my life who weren't capable of sticking by me through that.
Realizing that I had a decision in forming those relationships made it easier to come to terms with friends who leave when you're sick. I may not be able to control my auto-immune disease, but I can control the people I allow in my life.
Thanks for letting me Think Out Loud
Have you dealt with friends leaving you during hard times?
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i relate to this so much, i don't know what to do about it 🙁 i'm turning 16 soon & i'll not be doing anything, as i have no money, family or friends. i've not been to school in over a year & can't do my exams, but no one seems to care. i was always there for anyone & everyone who needed me & therefore had lots of friends, but as soon as it's me who needs support, everyone disappears :'(
Totally hear you on this Megan! The deal breaker for me was a friend who cracked the absolute sads because she broke a nail thirty minutes after her manicure doing grocery shopping for me. And boy did she let me know about it when she arrived at my place with the groceries!! A few disclaimers - firstly, she was only doing my supermarket shopping for me because I'm in a wheelchair and secondly, she offered to do it! I was sad about her reaction as we have been friends for 20 years now, but at the same time, I don't need that on top of everything else going on in my life right now. So that is one friendship I am happy to let slide.
Yikes! Sounds like that was a good friend to let go of.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I know to some degree the feeling as I lost some friends with my recent medical issues as well. People showed me who they really were & it was heartbreaking. You are one tough cookie & some ppl like others have said just don't know how to deal with issues like this & some are just crappy humans lol :). Hugs girl!
I'm sorry you have had to experience it as well. It's unfortunate, but a very true reality. Hope you're doing well friend! 🙂
This is terrible however I sadly have learned who my real friends are through health problems as well. Sometimes people just aren't worth worrying about.
On a happier note, I'd love for you to drop your favorite post of the month in my Best of Blogs linkup today!
Sure, I'll pop by!
I'm so sorry friend! I know how you feel. I'll always be here for ya!
Thanks friend. Same here!
Megan,
I'm so sorry you had to go thru this.. I, like you had some huge injuries and was in and out of a wheelchair for years. You definitely do figure out who your friends are. Now I'm battling weight and have made it my goal to beat it.
With your amazing recipes and your informative blogs I'm on the correct path.. For that thank you.. You should be proud of yourself and your achievements!
I was blown away that anyone in a professional setting would refer to another co-worker as a 'shit magnet'. I'm happy to hear that you're evolving beyond those superficial relationships.
Oh yes, it happened multiple times a day. It was like being picked on by bullies at school. Thankfully things worked out that allowed me to remove that negativity from my life. 🙂
Megan, I'm so sorry you had - or, worse, still have? - to deal with this. Personally, I'm there for my friends even more in the times when sh*t hits the fan. Honestly, my best friends are those I've experienced going through hard times and vice versa. I truly believe helping each other in times of illnesses or any other of life's hardships is what makes a friendship.
If you ever needed to just talk to somebody about whatever is on your mind - and yes, I'm aware we don't know each other well - I'm here to listen. Nobody should go through life alone.
Thank you! I may take you up on that offer some day and the same goes for you. This was stuff I was going through last year. It's taken me this long to come to terms and to write about it.
There are only so many hours in the week - fill them up with the people who fill you up too! I'm glad there's a select few who know that you're worth sticking around for and supporting in a hard time 🙂
Such great advice Dani!
Wow Megan, that is so hard to go through that, but I'm thankful that you approach it in such a kind, content way. There are just some friends we are not meant to be with, and that's okay. Then there are those friends that we are meant to be with, and that would be my family for me.
Thank you, Emily. It's taken me a year to get to that kind, content place. For a very long time I was very angry about how I've been treated professionally and personally.
I definitely went through some intense stuff with pre-mature ovarian failure (of course at the time it had no name), but I can't say I ever felt like people were distancing themselves from me. Then again we had moved to a new state and I worked from home, so maybe I didn't notice HA!
I'm sure moving and working from home had a lot to do with it. People are not as close to the reality of what's happening to you.
Some people just can't deal. I think it's the same reason so many people get a divorce DURING a major illness diagnosis it's crazy to me! I know it's super tough but at least you know the friends you've made during your illnesses aren't going anywhere!
Now that is crazy! Isn't it supposed to be through sickness and through health?
When I was struggling with depression years ago the majority of my friends left me. It made the whole thing worse. Then when I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease four years ago no one wanted to hang out with me cause I was always exhausted. I was a youth coach at the time and everyone would want to hang out at night after our events. I always had to decline cause I knew I wouldn't have the energy to get up for work the next day and would regret going. I always felt like the outcast of the group cause I knew I couldn't stay out due to my health.
Going through all of that I believe made me a stronger person and made me really realize the true friends I had that would do anything to help me and be there for me. I believe it's times like these that it really shows you who your true friends are and I found mine through it. I might have only a few close friends but I am completely okay with that.
Oh Charlsie, I can so relate to what you said about people not wanting to hang out because you're too tired or not wanting to go out late. I have absolutely had the same happen to me. Now I rarely get invited out to places by that group of people. It's incredibly frustrating! Good for you for recognizing who your true friendships were. My Mom always told me growing up that fewer friends was better and she was right.
That's horrible 🙁 Clearly they weren't worthy of your friendship to begin with. I find people tend to shy away when they don't know how to support you and it makes they themselves feel awkward and vulnerable. That just mean they aren't as strong as you are! Xo
I agree that's part of it too. It's interesting to me to see how people act when things are tough.
Oh, Megan. I can't even imagine. WHY would they treat you like that? It breaks my heart, but you have a good perspective on this -- you're better off without friends like that. Hugs to you! Hope the hip is healing well!
I've asked myself that question so many times Blair. I wish I understood why people do some of the things they do. I just tell myself their behavior has nothing to do with me.