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One of the hardest things about being sick and injured these last few years has been accepting the friends who leave you when you’re sick. I’m certain those of you who have been chronically sick know exactly what I mean. Until you get sick, you don’t realize how valuable your health is beyond your body. People not only judge you beyond your character, knowledge and physical appearance, they judge you based on your health too.
If you’ve followed my story, then you know what I been through. In case you haven’t, here’s a quick rundown of what’s happened.
- January 2014 – Right heal fracture
- October 2014 – Right ankle stress fracture
- May 2015 – Left torn plantar fascia
- July 2015 – Right tibia fracture
Surrounding those events I suffered from chronic stress, adrenal fatigue and was diagnosed with HA. I stopped getting periods in 2009 for reasons no one could explain. Prior to 2009, I had iron deficiency anemia and B12 deficiency. Those problems began 2005-ish. No one has ever been able to confirm that these things are connected, but I 100% know they are.
As a result, I spent most of 2015 trying to get my hormones working because I knew it was the key to everything. I felt horrible. I couldn’t think straight. I was exhausted. The simplest tasks wore me out and anything unexpected caused me major anxiety.
I knew something was very wrong with my body, and finding a doctor who would help was nearly impossible. But I was determined to find someone who would and eventually I did. That doctor diagnosed me with an auto-immune disease, which I have not talked about yet.
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Beyond the doctors not listening though, the hardest part was dealing with friends who leave you when you’re sick. When people began to realize I was sick and not just the I have a cold kind of sick, they began distancing themselves from me.
One friend in particular, one day started giving me the cold shoulder and acting as though we had never been friends. She stopped texting me, broke off all communication with me. To this day, I haven’t heard from her. I guess a sick friend was something she wasn’t willing to deal with.
It wasn’t friends who left either, it was co-workers too. Once people began to notice how often I was missing for doctors appointment, they started distancing themselves from me. They would give me looks of pity in meetings or in the hallway. Getting those looks was a horrible, awful feeling.
I went from being the most highly regarded employee to someone no one wanted to be around. They jokingly called me “the shit magnet.” Suddenly, I knew what the disabled kid on the playground I grew up with felt like. Isolated and alone. I felt ashamed going to the office. There came a point when I didn’t even want to be there because of how I was made to feel.
Now I can handle a lot, but all of this. I couldn’t handle all of this. Not alone. Not ever. And having friends leave me on top of it was an extra stab in the wound. This was one time in my life that I was really suffering and needed friends.
I guess maybe people are scared of people who are sick. They think it’s contagious or maybe they just don’t want to be around the sadness of it. Either that or they don’t know how to deal with it. They don’t know what to say or do so they just leave.
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Losing friends to illness was a painful process, but it allowed me to see the world with a new perspective. It allowed to see there were people in my life who did not need to be in my life. They were not adding value to me or to the person I wanted to be.
Instead of them leaving me, I tried looking at it as me leaving them. I realized I had chosen friendships with people who ultimately, let me down. Yes, I was the one sick and suffering but I didn’t need people in my life who weren’t capable of sticking by me through that.
Realizing that I had a decision in forming those relationships made it easier to come to terms with friends who leave when you’re sick. I may not be able to control my auto-immune disease, but I can control the people I allow in my life.
Thanks for letting me Think Out Loud
Have you dealt with friends leaving you during hard times?
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I found your article just now but I am going thru this and have been the past few years. I have a bone disease that requires the joints be replaced. Painful and will have my 2nd hip replacement this Thurs. Anyway…what I found is this, there are a handful of people that have stuck w me or checked up on me but the only ones that have been thru this whole thing w me are myself, my mother and God. I was upset, mad and hurt years ago for the way I was essentially tossed aside by friends but now I have such a good relationship w myself it seems these “friends” that call occasionally to check up
it really to call to vent to me about their issues are still doing that but I haven’t answered my phone in months some years. It seems a bit sad they are still that delusional to have the nerve to contact me when I haven’t contacted back. The thing I take from all this is the person I have become and what I want in life. I think about who IS there for me. The ones that aren’t, well…bye.
I came across your website and this story and wanted to comment about my own experience. Years ago I had a workplace injury (knee injury, to be exact) and pretty much had everyone abandon me similar to what happened to you and some other posters here. Even family was dismissive and hostile to some extent and those relationships never did recover. Some of the same coworkers and supervisors who mocked and/or ignored me during my time on workers comp tried to regain my ‘friendship’ shortly after I recovered; the language I would use here would probably get me kicked off this site to be honest.
I lost my trust in others during that time. I got a lot of grief and hostility for no reason from a lot of people from pretty much everywhere; for example, one day when I was in physical therapy another patient came into the waiting room on crutches who was getting therapy for a much worse knee injury than mine and I gave my seat up for him. A couple of staff members gave me an evil look for apparently giving the poor guy a break. That’s just one example of the condescending and abrasive behavior I got from people in general. Sioux Falls has some nasty people and I’ll never forgive them for it.
I’m going through this right now. They just stopped making plans and stopped asking to hang out. They always ignore my messages. It’s really strange because their mother is a nurse, so I thought they would be understanding. No one’s ever bothered to ask if I’m ok, or if I can come over to visit you. Due to medical bills, I’m not spending a lot of money on things like I used too and now they’re upset because I used to throw these parties and now I don’t. I just figured since I don’t have kids, then why not a spend a few$$$ on throwing a party. I now u detestamos they were more interested in the material things. My friend isn’t as financially well off as me and when she was broke, I never had a problem with not spending money and just chilling at home with her and eating at home, but now that I’m not spending like I used too, then now they don’t want to do the same like I did with them.
Hi Megan,
I know this story. I used to be the jolly beefy gym guy everyone invited to their parties and gatherings. I was fun to be around, fit and not pretentious about it. I felt loved and welcomed by everyone. But in Nov 2010 I had a catastrophic injury to my back and it wound up crippling me. I graduated from CALARTS but couldn’t hold a tool to draw with anymore. Nobody could see how injured I was, gaslit me into believing I made it up, and eventually ghosted me like I was a bad date. I am still recovering, 12 years later, and have yet to build a new group of friends. Thank you for sharing, and allowing me to write this.
Hello hello Miss Megan, my name is James and your situation with your heal fracture and your friends leaving you, or so-called friends,are very very similar to my situation I broke both of my heels in a work injury and my so-called friends at this workplace were immediately attentive,but as things got complicated with one of my feet and with the complication of depression because of all this these horrible struggles that I was going through my so-called friends soon left me they have not called to see how I was doing and they talk about me behind my back criticize me for how I am dealing with the pain and the depression. But there was one person that I was dating right before the injury I got extremely upset with her because 2 weeks after the injury around my first surgery she left for Mexico for 3 or 4 weeks,but I have come to realize now that she was the only true friend because once she came back she has never left me,she has stayed by my side through all the difficulties especially with the depression!So now like you I see things differently now. I see people in a different way now especially the ones who say they are your friends! Now I am very careful whom I call friend and who I allow in my life thank you for what you have written it was very encouraging to know that other people have gone through this too thank you a lot!!
Hi Megan, It seems people are more like this than not. Loyalty is a fleeting thing in today’s society. Personally, I find the kind of disregard you went through with those around you to be an appalling show of societies egocentricity due to pressure. In simpler words I believe it’s weakness on their parts…it’s way easier to ignore the needs of others and focus on just your own or to use others misfortune to try and make oneself seem more fortunate when it’s not a matter of that at all.
But what it comes down to is some people aren’t equipped to address real problems of others cause they can’t even handle their own and shame on those who are deluded enough to think they are better cause something didn’t happen to them. These people are truly shallow and don’t deserve to even be acknowledged.
Much love to you and thank you for sharing this experience, it has made me feel less alone.
I’m suffering d pain after my hip replacement surgery everyone left including people who claim to love me